“Sorry if I seem nervous…
…I’m used to having a cocktail of narcotics and benzos coursing through me before this sort’ve thing. But… I’m trying to see if I can get on without them. Just for today. Just for this hour. The next fifteen minutes. And, ya know, so far – aside from the sweats, shakes, and that burgundy Minotaur that keeps appearing in the corner which I’m pretty sure’s not real – ya know… so good.”
My opening share got a good belly laugh from my fellow meeting attendees, but mayhaps the most funny thing about it was probably that I wasn’t trying to be funny. (For once.) On the contrary, I was terrified. See, I was in withdrawal. And crazy. And angry. And anxious to share with strangers. But that instant connection immediately drew me in. Realizing they were laughing because they could relate, put us all on a common ground. And it made this formerly daunting prospect – talking in front’ve randoms – seem so much easier. We weren’t strangers anymore. We were chemical-free comrades about to shoot the shiz about our history and hope. Sharing is never easy in a meeting. But by doing it, it bonds us with a like-minded tribe of people, inspires others, and builds up that feel-good hormone Oxytocin that lets us leave feeling like we’ve just filled up at the spiritual smorgasbord. That’s why I’ve come up with a few tips to help myself out during the course of recovery. Here are six of them that’ve helped me out heaps.
You’re welcome to try them, if you like:
1. Pregame if you can
Some of us might recall the joys of pre-gaming. (Getting so lit you’re illiterate before you even hit the main event. Which for some may have been the club – and for others – everyday life.) While the days of polluted pregamery are long gone, there’s still value behind the idea of the pregame that can apply now. That’s pregaming for your meeting. When I have time, I like to get into a “meeting mindset”. Actually, I try to do this before any interactive event where service is a factor – whether it’s a meeting or my everyday job. It’s like a mental preparation to get me in the giving spirit. (Versus my yooj default setting of selfishness.) That’s why meditating beforehand’s always helped me. We all do it differently, though. For some of us, it turns into plugging into our Higher Power outlet and requesting a little serenity. For some it might be a cardio or yoga ritual. For others, yet, it might even just be perusing the program literature. Whatever you do, make sure to toggle on that deep breathing to toggle off your schizo mode. ’cause a lot of the thought induced craziness in your brain’s based on what your body’s doing. It’s far easier for sharing-clarity to come when you’re calm. Tuning into a tranquil pre-game’s a great way to make that happen.
2. The thought part of the pregame
While clearing your mind of egoic bullshiz is definitely priority, there’s a whole ‘nother level to prepping. Especially for those early recovery days when your thoughts are lost in a glob of neural linguine. And that’s the idea of making a light list of share points. Throughout the day, I’d just jot down ideas in my phone as they’d come about stuff that was bothering or inspiring me. It helped me make this bulletized, mental list of what I wanted to cover later. Because the idea’s never to “rehearse” (we’re not doing a standup bit or Toastmaster’s meeting here); but there’s nothing worse than coming home after a meeting and thinking “Ah, I really wanted to get that off my chest”. (But if you do, then you can always text – or even go crazy and call – your sober buddy to keep the recovery after-party going strong.
3. Speak from the heart.
Keep in mind, though, having a mental guideline doesn’t mean you can’t share authentically.
Quite the opposite. Remember that you took any notes you did before – because that was what you were genuinely feeling earlier today. Many of us tend to clam up and verbally vomit out everything but what’s legitimately bothering us once it comes time to talk. Why? I dunno what your reason is, but I did this a lot back when I was new (still do on days I forget the mental pregame aspect), and then later on when I return to the rooms after being out’ve them for a while. And what’s going on in my brain? “What if I’m sharing wrong? Saying something that’s not in line with the program principles? What if I’m the only one who’s done this and they’re judging me?” Keep in mind that the peeps around you are there to relate and share in your experience – not accost you. Half of anxious sharing comes from nothing more than self-consciousness. (The other half probably being withdrawals ‘n the like, I imagine.) Lucky for us, there’s a fix for this. Many a confidence coach will tell you “act as if everyone already likes you”. The idea’s that you don’t have to try to worry about anyone’s approval by saying or being anything other than what comes naturally. They’re already cool with you. Mission accomplished. Now you can move on by talking to these peeps like they’re the pages of your personal junkie or drunkie journal.
(Continue reading here for how to share interactively at a meeting.)