“Stay in touch with the reality of your disease.”
For those in addiction recovery, this is commonly heard in support group rooms.
But… is there a limit?
Can perpetually identifying as an addict encourage you toward relapse?
In most groups, these kinds of questions are frowned upon.
And, for those these groups have helped, you can see why. There’s a whole system to the anonymous fellowships that work wonderfully for some. Certain individuals require that all or nothing structure laid out for them. The black and white is their bread and butter. Another phrase you’ll hear is, “Your own way of thinking got you into this mess; so it’s not going to get you out.” While that may be true in scattered cases, we can never say that as a blanket statement. For many who come to support groups, it’s their first time even seeking out help of any kind. Their way of thinking led them to reach out and try to make a change. So, clearly, that’s a good first step that “their way of thinking” managed. Right? There are plenty of addicts who live and die clean and sober by the step system. They tell themselves and others every other day that they are an addict. They talk about how their addict brain is acting out in their lives. They talk about the steps they are working. It’s the best way for them. But, for some other lost souls who step foot into gatherings like these with folks who struggle with drugs or alcohol, identifying as an addict all the time might have a more negative affect.
It almost did for me… until I found my own way.
(No, we’re not saying to live in denial that there’s an issue at all – but more on that in a moment…)
You see, for me, it was a lot like going through a break up.
One of those “off and on” ones where they keep ghosting you and then sucking you back into their orbit. The ones that really mess ya up. (You know the kind.) So, if you were obsessed with the person but you know it’s not healthy to try to keep returning to them, what would you do? Rather, what should you do? Talk about them every day you’re broken up and how they ruined your life and that’s why you shouldn’t go back with them? Detail the thoughts you’ve been having about them? Lament over all the life you’ve missed out on while they were gaslighting and emotionally abusing you? Admit how much you still want them and that’s why you have to keep talking about them? This is literally what happens in meetings about substance abuse. And, short of having a tie like children to a toxic ex, the answer is: no. You don’t keep the focus there forever. Maybe, initially you do it to process your grief about the breakup. But, after that, we close the book on them. If you don’t have the link of offspring, you simply cut them off – both emotionally and physically. You avert your thoughts elsewhere when they pop up. You date other people to change your brain’s framework. You hang out with friends, work out, or do a distracting hobby when you miss them. And, finally, you block them so they can’t reach you.
So, what does this have to do with quitting drugs, alcohol, or other obsessions?
Keep reading to find out….