Political insanity. Violent protests. Charmin’ shortages.
2020 has become known for a lot of things. But the main and driving force behind so much of the insanity happening this year boils down to what is this 12 month period in history will always be known for – the year of the virus. Covid. Coronavirus. The ‘rona. And, with all of the isolation, quarantine, and reduction of warm and meaningful lives to cold and distant digital interactions… another virus emerges. A herpes like virus. The one where we return to our active addictions. I don’t mean the booze. (Although I do prognosticate overflowing AA rooms by the time this nightmare is over.) No. I mean the one where we return to the former flames we thought we’d stomped out ages ago. The ones that were easy to forget when options were endless, distractions were plentiful, and life was normal.
(“Yes, being in this blue prison for the past ten months has made me miss you too!”)
TEXTS FROM THE EX
Indeed, since covid hit, innumerable reports of texts from exes have been made. You may know this one. You spent weeks or months getting over them. Then, out of the black, you get that “hey stranger” message at ten on a Friday when he or she has some emotion potion running through their veins. (Or, if you’re me, you get a whopping “Yo”. True poetry, right? John Cusack under your window holding up a boombox blaring love ballads can’t top that.) And, for all its awfulness, this breadcrumbing has indeed resulted in so many hopping back on the toxicity train to take another ride around the anxious attachment track. Then, you get off, dazed and confused a month or two later – equal parts wanting to stow aboard all over again and wanting to throw rocks at it.
WHY WE DO IT
But first off, let’s not get too angry with ourselves. It’s tough enough when things are going well. However, as much as we love novelty, human beings also crave familiarity, structure, and connection. And, in a year filled with uncertainty, reaching out to an ex feels like safety. We remember how warm and protected we felt by their presence, their voice, or even just those digital exchanges. That’s why this year has been especially tough for that. We want that comfort. But to uproot that nonlogic plant, we need only remind ourselves of one thing: nothing is ever certain. We never know what will happen from one day to the next. It could be a virus. It could be an asteroid. It could be an armored vehicle filled with cash hitting you after you spent all morning meditating “money abundance” manifestation affirmations.
Nothing is certain. We just subconsciously convince ourselves that it is by tallying up the likelihood of disaster unfolding based off the fact that things have gone relatively well thus far, so we can move through our days with less anxiety. That’s all. But it always potentially lurks around the corner. Indeed, nothing is certain. Nothing, that is except the fact that interacting in a toxic attachment addiction relationship will inevitably bring you down. It will diminish the quality of your other dynamics. It will make you less present in your daily interactions. It will steal from your focus and passions. You shove all these things in the backseat like the worst Uber driver ever, as you spend the majority of your day either focusing on this person or interacting with them somehow. Maybe you look at old text messages. Maybe you check to see if they are online. Maybe you look at their profile. Browse old pictures. Talk about them to others.
(“We’re all happy your ex viewed your IG story, Karen, but do you think we can circle back to the project whose deadline is tonight?”)
Why?
Because each time you do this, you get a hit of dopamine.
As extensive research has shown, it’s just like a drug.
Keep reading to see why you keep “microdosing” on your toxic partner…