Surrender was something I heard early on when I attended program meetings.
I didn’t understand. It was one of those terminologies that made the program sound more like a cult than anything else. The second I heard it, I started to wonder if those warnings not to hang around these folk might’ve been right. Who was I surrendering my power to? The people at the meeting? That dude twitching and drooling next to me from years of chemically induced neurological damage? Wait – was there some L Ron Hubbardian weirdo sitting at HQ somewhere with Orwellian cameras capturing us all so that the evidence could be held against us at some point? Well, we can never be sure. But it does sound like a lot of effort for a bunch of ex-junkbags just trying their hardest to clean up their lives.
Plus, most cult leaders are too narcissistic to remain “anonymous”.
Besides that – what I am sure of is that I totally misunderstood this term in those early days.
And apparently I’m not alone there. It would take me a while to realize what the true concept of surrender meant. And while I still clearly need daily reminders, the best explanache I can offer is this: surrender is not about surrendering to people; it’s about surrendering to reality …exactly as it is. That may sound obvious, but how many times have your actions shown that you clearly were adhering to some contrary belief? How often have you resisted reality by compulsively using consciousness-alterers instead of taking a breakup head on? Or a job loss? Or the fact that you woke up alive again? I know that sure as shiz was the case for me. Even now I start thinking about my current addiction – running – whenever life starts heaving circumstantial feces at me rapid-fire style. “Where’s the nearest running trail? Jeeves! Ready my kicks! I need a fix!” (That should be a bumper sticker. Or a graphic tee. Moving on.)
Obviously, that doesn’t mean that if the zombie apocalypse hits, you sit on your thumb and do nothing.
Otherwise, it’ll be the only part left of you once the undead get you in their clutches. What it does mean is that – when things are going badly – you recognize the nature of it fully versus resisting reality as it unfolds by crying, wasting all of your bullets on one cadaver ambulating toward you, or polishing off your group’s snack supply because: comfort eating. These are all emotionally reactive responses that get you nowhere. When you surrender to the concept of “Corpses now roam the globe. That’s a thing now,” then you can collect yourself. And collect the facts. And prioritize your problems in order of importance for addressing so that you and your tribe can survive.
On a comparatively smaller scale, that might start with “I didn’t get a raise. That’s a fact.” And, instead of getting angry at the person you pays you the money you use to support yourself and letting it manifest as passive aggression, you can stop and internally come to the inquiry this entire article’s about. The crucial question that’s the whole point of surrendering to reality:
“What’s the solution, here?”
If you’re angry enough at your boss for not giving you a raise, is the solution to keep staying in a toxic work environment? Or is it to do the temporarily inconvenient thing of seeking new employment? Going to a few interviews? Maybe finding a new career path that doesn’t make you have to hypnotize yourself (either literally like Office Space dude or with drugs like you or me used to) into caring less.
Surrendering – to reality – is the only way that creative solutions can come to you. And creative solutions are vital in actually resolving the issue you wanna resist in the first place. Wallowing is not a solution. Taking out anger on others is not a solution (though, to my shame, I am a sucker for spontaneously catapulting a casserole dish every now ‘n then). And, obviously, taking drugs to numb cold circumstances is not a solution. These are all definitely signs you’re not accepting actuality. That you’re not surrendering to what’s real. Once you come to terms what is actually happening, then you can effing fix it, instead of getting effed up on a fix. If nada else, remember that today. The reality is that you ‘n me aren’t able to use drugs or firewater successfully – assuming you’re an addict, too. We must accept the fact that we’re among the 10% of people who can’t have a leisurely drink because of where it leads. When we truly accept that (and our brain stops holding us hostage and shutting down because it doesn’t want to believe this information that doesn’t jibe with egg nog holidays and selfies taken in the Bahamas with fruit cocktails in hand) once that happens, then the answers to the underlying issues happening in reality (making us wanna use in the first place) can arise.
So, what’s the solution?
It’s not easy, but it is simple. We need first surrender to the fact that we cannot use.
That means, when the craving demon screams from the cellar below, our higher selves interrupt them:
“Dude… you’re the one offering me pills ‘n stuff. Hypocrite.”
Seriously, though: “Not an option” single-handedly got me through those preliminary detox cravings and withdrawal symptoms. And I can’t help but believe it might work for you too. Not because I told you to. Not because someone in a meeting told you to. But because all of us have taken a look at our lives and know where the alternative to addressing reality leads. After that, there’s a new solution for every barrier dumped in front’a me each day. And none of them can be addressed without addressing the one just mentioned – about staying clean. (Otherwise your problem-priority list on the kitchen fridge’ll always only be 1.) Get turnt 2.) Get more 3.) Repeat. As your house and life melt around you like a Salvador Dali piece). So, for me, it’s meant that at the foundation of my life, I stay clean one day at a time, keep around a tribe of like-minded sickos dedicated to their recovery, and help other people if they ask for it. That way, they can receive the same insight that was gifted me. And pass it on. ’cause surrendering isn’t giving up anything of worth. It’s only giving up the internal inferno that’s only ever let you down.
So, lemme ask you, friend: what’re you resisting today? What’s the reality of the sitch?
More importantly, what’s the solution?