What sits behind our triggers?
Stress? Anxiety? The unpredictable and terrifying external world around us?
Maybe. But behind that, is the catalyst that activates it.
Fear.
Or – more specifically – fear about the future.
Whether it regards work related woes or your banter with “bae”, the reasons any of us wanna use are as various as they are fixable. ’cause what sits behind our anxieties, ultimately, is fear of some sort. We’re fearful that we won’t get the gig we interviewed for. We’re fearful that we’re being judged in a social setting. We’re fearful we’re gonna get dumped. Whatever it might be, the fact of the matter’s that we – in our heads – are dead set on a plan. And when life unfolds in any way that deviates from that and we’re not ready for it, we fail to accept it. And, then, where’s all that worrying gotten us? Does it help to say “I knew this shiz’d happen”? What’s that fix? If we never surrender with serenity, we instead faceplant into hard facts – flailing all the way and often dragging down others with us. Even when we half expected that vexing outcome. To be fair, a lot of non addicts do this. But factor in the chemical element you or I’ve gotta keep tabs on (before it turns into a bar tab), and that’s a whole lotta risk to be ready for. Which means a fix is imperative for our ilk – long before fear can take the reigns and cause us pain.
And that’s exactly what I found in this excerpt from Tim Ferriss’ book, “The Four Day Workweek.”
What it suggests, essentially, is to turn our worry time into something more productive:
Addressing that negative possibility.
At the same time, though, the idea’s not necessarily the opposite of optimistic thinking. Rather, it’s more about making room for solution seeking by opening our cognitive closet door, letting the monster out, and getting to know it. Because (per what’s mayhaps the most brainblowy quote I’ve heard all week) the truth about ruminating is this: “Most people will choose unhappiness over uncertainty.” And, if that didn’t hit you the way it hit me, riddle me this: how many times have you started to realize your best laid future blueprints weren’t gonna come to pass? And upon learning this, you also learned your only Plan B was to hit the fridge for a binge, give into Hulking out, or some other special brand of self sabotage? Oh… what’s that? I can’t quite hear you over all the emotional eating your doing because you’re still worried about those test results you haven’t got back yet… You’re telling me you do this a lot ? Even if it’s not with chemicals or fermented grapes of wrath?
Mhmmm. Yes, me too.
Without realizing it, you ‘n I both have been choosing misery over the unknown.
The good news? We don’t have to.
That’s why I adore Tim’s technique called “fear setting”. It plucks you up from unhappiness by making you embrace uncertainty. And how do you do that? By issuing your existing “Plan B” (the wholly ineffective bish fit) a makeover, peering at fear face to face, and saying, “Alright. So what if you are coming for my azz? What kinda crash course can I take myself through for if and when you get here?” Then, instead of spending your time ruminating, you can put it to use by jiu-jitsu training your brain to be ready for the enemy. That way, if it doesn’t come, awesome. You won’t have added any extra forehead frown wrinkles, silver follicular strands atop your scalp, or the extra stress that leads to death inducing diseases. And if it does come? (“It” maybe being that those test results saying you’ve got a tumor.) Then it’s also no big D. Why? ’cause you’ve been neuro-drilling yourself for this, duh. You already know how to subdue it as a stressor, ’cause you’ve got a plan in place. See, between Plan A and the fail-ery of Plan A, you’ve seriously accepted that this unfavorable outcome might be a distinct possibility. Pictured it. Envisaged it. Made it real. That’s why you’ve prematurely built Plan B (and already contacted five doctors who can potentially pop out that hypothetical tumor bulb). Thus, the next step isn’t about weeping, wallowing, swallowing pills, or getting swilled. It’s about what it always should be: solution seeking. Get good enough at this, and your map of plan permutations ranging from A to Z will all fan out like the streets of downtown New Orleans. The nice thing is, too, that even if life events happen way outside of your cognitive French Quarter’s circuitry and you’ve gotta do some construction, you’ve unknowingly been plan-drilling for plan-making itself. It’s a subconscious skill now. All’ve this practical, creative, solution seeking you’re doing in your downtime, makes you better later – at doing the same thing on your feet the second SHTF.
(Don’t pay anxiety interest; be interested in potential solutions for if it comes true.)
Thus, my loves, I ask you this:
What’s sitting behind your triggers today? What are you actually panicking over – deep down? Let’s all pretend for a second that exactly that’s happening. Let’s pretend it’s unfolding in all its un-glory. Now, in lieu of inviting our frenetic emotional reaction to ride thought shotgun to it, let’s immediately ask ourselves: “Mkay. So – what’s the solution?” Sure, we didn’t want this. Sure, this wasn’t our plan. Those are all valid feelings. But the problem with wallow-y feelings is that they don’t solve this problem we’ve got very well – do they? So – why keep going back to them like an abusive ex lover? Rather, what does fix the issues is this following auto-inquiry I try to employ when it’s go time: “What’s runner up to Plan A? What’s the best rectification for this fkkry that’s befallen me?” The trick is to find that out, write that down, and train it into our brain’s cerebral software so that when life’s lightless freight train suddenly smacks us head on, on the tracks, we’ll all have another alternative set’ve tracks to hop onto. And from there, we can keeping going full speed – sans speed, smack, sauvignon, or any other self-sabotage manifestations to cope with would be hopelessness.
And just like that, we’re granted another day clean.
And another hurdle traversed without pawning off problems onto people, places, and things.