Scrolling through my soshe media feed,I encountered this gem today:
As you can see (or maybe not, in which case I’ll explain it to you now), this fascinating gadget for lonely folk is meant to connect you better with your cat. How? Via pseudo-grooming, obviously. (Although, admittedly, all I can think of are too-easy comical cunnilingus quips.) You pop that rubber scrubber in like a pacifier, have at your cat, and suddenly he loves you because it’s the feline equivalent of simian nit-picking. Yet, however weird I thought that was, social media never disappoints me by delivering the even weirder. And it came, of course, in the form of a “My Strange Addiction” snippet. A woman not pseudo-grooming her cat, but actually snacking on the follicular remnants of him. And even tonguing the creature’s ears. And sucking them.
“It’s so soft and puffy – like cotton candy, almost…”
Now, right around here, you might be asking yourself… why the eff anyone would get their kicks off something like this? And, trust me, my tendency was to inquire exactly that myself. It seems insane. But you know what else is insane? Losing your job cuzza your coke habit… and doing a line the second you get home to feel better about it. Knowing the pills you’re abusing are making you worse, yet insufflating another crushed one to forget that fact. Downing poison first thing in the morning, and convincing yourself your liver and litany of other afflictions are caused by some esoteric mystery illness you saw on Discovery Health – instead’ve the obvious. Or eff the illegal stuff. Let’s get real. How about another, accepted chemical that gets you high? Food? How about eating the same processed crap and sugary drinks you always have, and expecting to suddenly de-obese your body by some external sorcery source that asks no effort of you?
We’ve all got the insanity in some way. No matter how we try to size it up.
This isn’t the sickness equivalent of a d*ck measuring competish.
Nay, sir.
As amusing as all of those oddities might be to outsiders, don’t fool yourself.
’cause we’re not that far outside that level of craziness. I can’t tell you how far into insanity fellow addicts have admitted to going – just to procure fix number next. Garbage bin dining. Snorting stuff from dirty floorboards. Peeing in their own beds to avoid stifling their high by moving to the loo. In that way, this is indeed a reminder of how painfully alike we reforming fiends from all walks of weirdness are. And the fact of the matter’s that running your tongue down your Tabby isn’t all that different from some of our other collective fixes. Some’ve us crave crack. Some’ve us crave cake. Some’ve us crave eight balls. Some crave f[o]ur balls. And, ya know, I’d say “Well, at least an obsession like hers isn’t chemically addictive,” – which is technically true. But, in actuality, it’s still detrimental inasmuch as you’re feeding that whole dopamine reward system in your brain. And that’s opposite of optimal because feeding that means it’s suddenly something you require to survive with your sanity intact. You need it to not go mental or get depressed. You need it before you can do anything productive, interact rationally with others, or focus on anything else. And even then, your attention’s soon on acquiring that high anew. That’s an addiction. It’s a reliance on a finite external that’s not naturally required for survival. And, chemical or not, anything like that can and will destroy your life if left unchecked. So, the comparisons aren’t entirely helpful. Also, an attempted measure of one obsession versus another doesn’t ever make anyone’s respective fixation any better, does it? Sure, you can compare all day long. But on a self improvement level, that won’t make a “lick” of difference. Thus, before we all start judging, I encourage my fellow addicts of all kinds to see the similarities here – and let it resonate as just one’ve many reminders about the kinda life we don’t wanna return to.
That said, I will admit… the “LickiBrush” suddenly seems a lot less odd now.
Sweet, even.
So long as it’s, ya know, not a gateway drug… to lapping up cat hair.