So, you’ve chosen a step program as part of your new way of living.
And suddenly everyone (who’s never been in a program themselves) has a snide opinion about it.
It’s hard enough voluntarily initiating a quest to renovate your mind, body, and soul by ripping the scabs off every wound you’ve been anesthetizing for so long. That’s challenging in and of itself. But the cherry on top of this self-eviscerating sundae? When you realize that some around you have their own opinions about such programs. I myself, while giving meetings a try, found that among those I opened up to – there were at least a couple (out of three) who managed to teleport a passive aggressive eye-roll at me via tone of text (an impressive, but not impossible feat sans any actual emoji). And why? Well, the general consensus I was getting was that it was just another addiction – and a cult. Now, while concepts counter to the literature are generally frowned upon in the rooms, I remain open-minded (which actually the first step itself encourages). Also, as a woman of science, I question everything. Even if it’s quietly on my own. Are step meetings just another addiction? A crutch? Is it just a cult? Yes, I wondered this even before my “friends” chimed in with their two cents about coins for clean time.
So, let’s start with the first one by considering what we’re even talking about: a program.
Whether or not you realize (or like it), we all live according to some basic programming. The things you like, say, and do by rote are often part of your programming. For some, their program is a basic 9 to 5, sandwiched between Starbucks, carbon monoxide infused commutes, and caring for a family. For some, it’s the getting and using of mind altering chemicals, sandwiched between fleeting reprieves from misery and the insane belief that you’re carrying out a sustainable way of living. Whatever your general ritual is – is your programming. So what if you’re that latter junkie or drunkie, trying to sober up, and not sure how to cope with life? The only way to truly change someone like this – who’s clearly sad enough at their nougaty center if they’re willing to self-destruct slowly in order to avoid pain – is compassion, empathy, and – most importantly – a shiny new program to replace the god-awful one you’ve been trying to get by with on your own.
This is what a step program offers. You meet with others who can identify to vent about the bad stuff and share the good. You do the steps and practice the principles in order to learn a better way to get by. So why isn’t just a year or so enough? Why do people keep returning? I suppose it’s because the longer you’ve been addicted to something, the harder it is to prevent it from surfacing up over your favorable “replaced” habit. Also, we always need a support system of like-minded folk, and some people can’t find that outside the rooms. Plus, in a world full of distractions and where people marvel at you for staying sober (or don’t even invite you out at all ‘cause you’re a “nondrinker” and thus tantamount to a sideshow oddity), it can be kinda helpful to have a constant reminder of why you chose this route in the first place. Not everyone needs that; but if you do, you don’t have to consider meetings a crutch anymore than weekly mass for Christians is. The only difference is – the program is spiritual – not religious. That is to say, there’s no deity at the center.
Which leads us to the next question: is it a cult?
Well, how about you and Webster decide. Here’s just one definition for “cult”:
“A system of religious veneration and devotion directed toward a particular figure or object.”
(Ah, not so much. Not a religion. Let’s try another.)
“A misplaced or excessive admiration for a particular person or thing.”
(Not quite. They are pretty focused on abstinence, but I wouldn’t call it admiration. Next?)
“A relatively small group of people having religious beliefs or practices regarded by others as strange or sinister.”
Ah! There we go. I knew we’d hit on something that awkwardly fit, eventually.
So, yeah, maybe the step programs are cult-like in the sub-article, second bullet definition sense of the word. Even though there’s no Hubbard-esque leader at our center, it technically fits because there are “others” (as my pontificating pals – and maybe a few of yours – have demonstrated) who consider it “strange”. (Mostly because they don’t get it, have never attended, and – above all – have likely never been addicts themselves; so I wouldn’t expect them to). But while we’re at it, we might as well say all of American culture is a cult – that is, to any “others” who don’t live here and find Western practices horrifying. It’s too general a definition. So much can fit in there. But, in the end, it’s all just words. Crutch. Cult. If it works for you so that you don’t go back to living at the bottom of a vodka or oxy bottle, who cares what they call it? Who cares what they think, for that matter? If you’re in it for the same reasons as most folk I know, it ain’t about a popular opinion poll – but a matter of your life. Or death.
So, if you like, go ahead. Put the recovering addicts in that bucket.
Just don’t expect the kool-aid at the meetings to be nearly as fun as Jim Jones’.
Or Jesus’ for that matter.
