Author: Ashley

Why should I bother being a sponsor?

Leave a Comment

Congratulations.

You’ve made it through the twelve steps. That means two things.

The first? That you start over again at step one.

And the second? That you pass it along.


“What? No prize? Where’s the streamers and giant check?”

I know. I know. I too felt like a trophy should’ve come with getting clean. But, in a way, your award’s found when you start over and start out someone else who needs help on the path. Why? Well, the thing about this serenity ladder is that it’s not linear. It’s a circle. A sober samsara. You keep going because, well, life keeps going – and so does the addictive facet of your personality. (Can’t erase it, but you can totally manage it.) It endures so long as you do. It manifests in any malicious, tricky, didn’t-see-that-shiz-coming number of ways. And, in that way, continuing on with the steps isn’t some negative laborious thing. It’s a code you’ve luckily encountered to living a more tranquil life. A gift. Many people (non-addicts, with their own plethora of unresolved issues) will go their whole lives not having the kinda guide this program offers. (which is not just about staying sober, but staying sane.) Thus, the silver lining to addiction’s that – if you come to recovery and do the work – you’re not just covering the recovery bit of your life-issues. You’re also addressing any of the daily demons gnawing at your noggin that’ve got nothing to do with drugs before they can drive you to some sort’ve destructive behavior. Like they say in the rooms, “More will always be revealed.”

So, no, you’ve never ended your journey.


(Great. Now lower the ladder, bish and help your homies below.)

And that’s why we start back at step one – to keep the disease in check.

But this is also why – when we do – we also begin looking to newcomers who need help hopping on that wheel of wellness. Becoming a sponsor. In a way, it’s like having a little sister or bro in your clean fraternity. (At least, I’m assuming they still do that; I never got into Greek life myself in college.) You’re their serenity mentor. A sober sensei. You help other people mount the self-awareness wheel, start ’em at step one, and guide them along as you continue your own self work. And, in return for paying it backward, you pay it forward to your future self. How? ’cause it’s successful in the same way the old adage about training recruits on the job is: “See one. Do one. Teach one.” Ever heard that? When you come to a meeting, you read the lit and see in person how it’s serving other long time sober folk. Then, you do it for yourself, and realize they weren’t just effing with you. They’re on some Harry Potter shiz ’cause the “big book” truly works in application.


“What sorcery is this? Witchcraft? I knew it…”

Then, after that, you demonstrate that fact one day to someone coming in and picking up a white keytag.

They hear about how three years ago your were railing mystery powder off some carnival oddity’s genetalia and dining in dumpsters. Then, in the next breath, they hear how your present problems comprise deciding whether to give up your Malibu mansion or your one in Florida and who’s going to get the private plane in the divorce. (Granted, becoming a billionaire isn’t the common recovery story. But A.) it happens and B.) the transformative 180 that happens, 100% is.) Naturally, we know those problems comparatively aren’t real problems. And, naturally, these newbie’s are drawn to the genuine joy you’re vomiting all over the meeting. Thus, they come to you saying “I wanna have what you have. How’d you get it?” And that’s when you take ’em under your clean wing and show them the ropes. Just like someone did for you when you worked the steps.

And, that’s when future you can potentially benefit.

Remember when we said you start over after step twelve? Because more will be revealed? More is always gonna be revealed. And you know what helps you do the deepest digging? Other people. This thing I’m about to say goes for any self-betterment quest, and recovery’s no different: everyone is your teacher. Sure, your sponsor and the kindly man who sponsors her. But so is that drama-mongering dry drunk who mean mugs all the way through the meeting. And so is the newcomer. Some show you what you want to be. Some show you which facets of yourself are less admirable and to avoid embodying. And some – green to being clean – just remind you of how crucial it is to keep an open mind in recovery in order to keep uncovering more about ourselves. That we all have more to learn, no matter how far we’ve come.

And that’s part of the work of sponsorship that makes it so symbiotic.

First, there’s the feel goodery that comes with an act of compassion. It says a lot about who you are if you’re willing to sacrifice your natural-high days to come down and empathize with someone on a low level. You run the risk of your good example falling flat, which can either make you feel bad – or make you hafta to work hard to remember that you can’t control other people and need to detach emotionally from the choices they ultimately make. Then again, you might have an amazing impact on them. Either way, though, you can rest assured that acting out of compassion has a resonant effect within you. Knowing, deep down, that you made an effort – at your own expense – to better someone’s situation is validating, confidence instilling, and reinforces self worth.


(It also boosts those feel-good bonding hormones.)

And when it does work – it’s mindblowing how much it can change both’a your lives.

Sure, they’re gaining indispensable insight. But so are you. By helping someone else, you’re helping yourself via reinforcing the principles that’re so easy to lose in the midst of daily, societal distractions. You can learn anything you want to – all the program literature in the world. But if you don’t apply it, you lose it. And if you don’t have reminders, you won’t apply it. And the biggest reminder is seeing the effects of the program in others. Seeing how it works in other people, helps us remember our ongoing goal. Feeling connected to that experience, however, is next level fuel for our carry-on campfire burning inside’ve us. This is why aiding a sponsee on their newfound path is especially invaluable. It’s also why they say “we keep what we have only by giving it away”. Seeing the program work in someone new is a beautiful reminder of how far you’ve come when you start to fall prey to diseased thinking again. Seeing the program work in someone because you’ve helped them, though? As a writer, I can’t aptly capture with words the feeling you get when you realize you’ve altered someone else’s life for the better. It’s a reminder that you’re a role model. (Egoic as that sounds, even the ego serves its purposes. Besides, you learn real quick that you only maintain this relevance via humility.) You’ve offered the partial seed in someone’s recovery, inseminated them with the ingredients for sobriety, and watched them grow. And that means you have a responsibility now to lead a life worth emulating. For them, and for those like them. In that way, you’re just as indebted to them as they are to you. Because they’re keeping you on track, too.

And that kinda connection’s one of the most unique things you’ll ever experience.

Is this pill the cure for binge eating?

Leave a Comment

Anyone here ever watch that movie “Requiem for a Dream”?

It basically follows Labyrinth princess and 30 Seconds to Mars Guy on their downward spiral into drug addiction. But the fun side story to it is Ellen Burstyn’s character, Sarah Goldfarb – who plays Leto’s mom. Homegirl loves to snack on candy and watch motivational speakers on T.V. When she falls for a scam and believes she too can be on T.V., her main mission in life’s suddenly to lose several pounds. Thus, she hits up her local white coat cloaked legal pusher who subsequently diagnoses her with some sort’ve binge eating disorder. And administers her an array of amphetamines to eat each day.

And, before we know it, she’s just as much a junkie as her son and his woman.

The movie was a very accurate portrayal of our culture at the time.

And while I’d love to say we’ve improved over time….

Not so much. In fact, it’s only gotten worse since nineteen-ninety-whenever-this-came-out.

The thing is – if it’s not heroin or cocaine or something-else-illegal, people believe these extremes are acceptable. Binge eat… and then barf it up. Binge eat… and then take a pill til you wanna eat nada. Binge eat… and… wait. Why not press the reverse button on binging? Prior to pushing a palliative, why aren’t we asking why? Why are we binge eating? That’s what the advent of this new anti-feasting pharmaceutical called Vyvanse has got me asking. Though I’ve heard about it (and its “success”) in a couple’ve different places, I couldn’t help but develop cranial scrapes from all the facepalm after reading into it.

Because aside from being a strong central nervous system stimulant, they don’t even know how it works.

Per WebMD:

“In the two large clinical trials done by Shire, researchers found the drug worked to lessen the number of binge eating episodes.”

Okay. Well that’s nice. Let’s move onto the “yes-but” bit:

“It’s not clear how the drug helps against eating binges, says Marx, who’s also the associate medical director of the Eating Recovery Center in Denver.”

Okay, it’s great that people got results. But, while that might sound like success, we have to decide how we’re defining “success” here. Is it losing a fkk ton of weight now, gaining a drug dependency long term (and tolerance to your newfound el-bee deficit in a bottle) only to gain it all back while you lose your mind in a psych ward?

If we look deep into our hearts, I feel like we’ll all realize simultaneously that answer is “no”.

What’s needed here, rather, is good a psycho-shovel to our subconsciousness.

To ask: why is it we wanna overdo our oral Dyson-ing in the first place?

As one nutritionist (who runs one’ve those wellness retreats) aptly puts it:

“A multi-pronged approach, one that addresses the many factors at the root of the disorder, offers the greatest hope of recovery. Among those factors is the need to move away from restrictive notions about food and eating, as well as unrealistic ideals about body size. Notions about “good” and “bad” foods, how we all “should” eat, and what we all “should” weigh have created an epidemic of eating problems that has culminated in eating disorders like BED.”

It’s not about thinking thin.

It’s about thinking about why you eat fat in the first place.

Healthily thin people don’t think thin.

It’s not a battle won one affirmation at a time.

They just do it naturally.

If you hafta actively fight a malicious default, you’ve gotta unveil the motive behind that.

What’s more, the side effects (you know, that laundry list of awfulness the T.V. announcer says in a low tone at the commercial’s conclusion at the speed of an auctioneer?) sound pretty effing bad: there’s the dry mouth, the insomnia, racey heart symptoms, tweaked out feelings, and backed up bowels – just to name a few. The most serious, though? Cardiac complications. And this would all be easy to pass off if 85% of the pill popping test subjects hadn’t experienced some sort’ve bad reaction. But they did.

And then, finally, there’s the biggie:

Substance abuse.

You know, anyone can become physically dependent on a habit forming pharmaceutical. However, someone with a binge eating disorder (particularly someone who’s not addressing the underlying issues as suggested above) is uber prone to other compulsive feel-good behavior that leads to full on addiction. The only way to keep the demons from regenerating like some demonic starfish leg, is to start peeling away your layers of motivation. Self help books. Shrinks. Over-nommers Anonymous meetings. Whatever works for you – just find some thing that helps you turn inward for answers – not out. This is one of those rare instances where I can be an authority on something – because I’ve struggled with all sorts’ve external obsessions my entire life. And the moment you quit one thing, another rears its hideous head, like a vexing game at Chuck E. Cheese. Good hypothetical example? Quitting the binge-age, only to fall for the adrenalizing high that accompanies such uppers as Vyvanse.

And that, I think, is what makes pills like this so abhorrently unforgivable.

They’re hitting on a prime target demographic: people seeking solace through addictive behavior. Vyvanse is not going to fix you. Medical manufacturing corporations don’t profit off wellness. The profit off problems. Thus, there’s no desire to fix the issue ’cause they need the issue for income. (Cue to meme of Jack Sparrow, asking, “Savvvvvy?”) And that’s why they’re taking whatever these poor gluttonous bastards have been gnawing on from the frying pan, throwing it into the fire, leaving them fried… and ultimately returning for more.

Moral of the story?

Don’t be a Goldfarb and fall for this shiz, my fellow foodies. Don’t fall for your own bullshiz, for that matter, either. (You know, that nagging non-logic telling you you’re any better than the common dope fiend?) Instead of all that nonsense, I encourage you to chat up some fellow folk afflicted with your same condition. (I did for mine – and it was invaluable.) If you suffer from face-stuffing and want help, there’re heaps of meetings and media out there:

1.) Here’s a website for eating disorders (complete with a hotline).

2.) Here’s a OA chatroom (if you need good, faceless assistance ASAP).

3.) And here’s a literary list of DIY books on how to go from gorging to gorgeous – from the inside out.

Best of luck.

Can NLP help you kick addiction?

Leave a Comment

I remember watching the Donald Duck version of “A Christmas Carol” as a kid.

Scrooge McDuck’s a McDouche and workaholic who associates closeness with kinfolk as being tantamount to pain and poverty. Thus, he holes away, being the a-hole that he is, and slaving over his giant desk every night. Then, on Christmas Eve, after he’s put in another nice, long day of disseminating misery to everyone around him, something happens. He gets visited by three phantom counselors who help him heuristically learn why his curmudgeonly ways need to go. Well, either that, or what I assumed: which is that someone snuck some ayahuasca in his coffee mug, sending him on a next level trip down the rabbit hole of his subconscious.

Either way, the whole thing reminds me of how it felt to have a sponsor during those first few steps of recovery. All those leading questions weighing heavy on a mind unfettered by chemicals. No anesthetic to kill the guilt of transgressions. My own mind turning on me… until it turned me. Into someone I could live with. Someone I could sleep with. Sans those barking ghosts.

This is generally the aim of NLP (Neurolinguistic programming) of any kind. Not to tell you what to do – but to have you figure out the answer for yourself. (“Do I really identify as an addict? Well, first define what is an addict? Now, do I fit into that category? Well, let’s see – has my obsession led to detrimental outcomes?”) That’s the nice thing about it. Whether you get a sponsor, one-on-one counselor, or… even do it yourself, no one’s dictating directions. No one’s trying to control you. It’s about you taking the reigns to reframe your own brain.

So, what exactly is NLP?

Well, basically it’s this type of self-help therapy they came up with back in the disco era. Two dudes – Richard Bandler and John Grinder – created it with the aim of aiding folk in attaining goals. But it’s not just one solitary technique. Rather, it’s an amalgamation of methods rolled into one. And because it’s so generally effective, peeps still employ it for everything from anxiety or hoarding habits to crack cravings.


(Or just generalized self improvement.)

And how’s it work? By honing in on three components – your brain, body, and babble-box. (Or, in more technical terms – neurology, physicality, and language.) All these things work in synchronicity – the way we carry ourselves, talk, and think – to create our respective realities. The clean and serene success stories around us don’t come from ex-junkies who maintained their junkie mentality sans the smack. No. It transpired through re-wiring, changed behavior, changed language, and inviting in new belief systems. Asking themselves if the way they were seeing reality was actually factual – or just a function of habitual, limiting belief systems. When our brain’s networks are locked in place sometimes we just need help unwelding them so as to invite new and improved pieces in. Upgrade the framework filter through which we view the world.

For an addict, it’s a gift – like getting the ghost of crystal-meth present, past, and future.

As this one former junkie attests, “One day a lady who I had met several years earlier on a skiing trip…” (we can’t be sure if that’s a cocaine euphemism or not, but we’ll move on) “…and told me about NLP. One point really appealed to me: you could work on a problem without revealing to anyone the content of that problem.” He goes on to describe the experience at his introductory lecture (though you can also do it yourself or with a paid brain trainer):

“I went to an introductory lecture, and signed up on the spot. I went through a basic course, and focused on my problems with sex and relationships. To me, the problem of drug abuse was secondary. As the program was repeatable to graduates free of charge, I came back for a second pass through the basic course. I got in a conversation with the lady who had first told me about the course, and soon realized that she was doing with me a process called a reframe. Without telling her the subject, I turned my attention to my difficulties with women. Several confusing and amusing hours later, she declared the process done. I went home that night, and, as usual, snorted a line of speed. Somehow, something seemed to be different about the experience. Most surprisingly, though, Is that within two days, all desire for the drug had left! I gave away about half of the supply that I had, and consumed the remainder in small amounts over the next several days to get myself physically acclimated to the absence of the drug from my system. Startled by the power of NLP, I vowed to continue to study.”

But that doesn’t tell me much about the actual process.

Also, I’m an addict – which means I want a concise and quick fix.

Thus, I hunted down this DIY version and added a few yes-ands of my own:

“1) Don’t just be here now, think of a timeline which includes the past and the future.”

(This’s consistent with a “think that thought through” mentality I’ve mentioned before. Has this behavior harmed you in the past? Is it reasonable to believe it’d do the same in the future?)

“2) It’s just a behavior, not an identity. Most of the day you’re not actually doing the behavior.

Form your self-concept around that instead.”

(A lot of repeated bad behavior comes from that whole “we’re already in the shiz, might as keep blowing stuff up” mentality. You think the acts are who you are. When you realize that’s not who you are as a person – that there are other aspects to your life – you can identify with and focus on those instead.)

“3) Deeply feel your body and dwell in the negative consequences of the habit.”

(This one’s easier to do if you employ number one. If you can summon up the sense memory of the guilt and shame that the aftermath of habit indulging brings, then you’re more likely to feel less lured in by its cognitive siren song. Try feeling that hangover headache, pain of disappointment by the domino effect it has on your dynamics, or whatever other negative effects that hurt enough til you’re doomed to use again.)

All a great supplement to gaining a clean clan to help you maintain your sobriety and keep you honest.


(Espesh since most programs have some form of NLP built into them.)

You know, I’ll admit, at first glance, it might seem like brainwashing.

But really, if you break down “brainwashing”, all it technically means is giving your brain a good scrub down. Unscrewing your Scrooge brain bits, Brillo-ing down the inside, and freeing it from the dirt and debris that are your old thoughts. ’cause, in this case, they’re thoughts and patterns that aren’t even serving you anymore. Plus, you’re the one doing the washing – you and mayhaps a professional of your choice. It’s not some MK Ultra experiment commandeering your noggin to turn you into a trigger activated assassin. This is for you. So, why not give something like NLP a try? Why not scour down and expand your consciousness? Why not wash the skidmarks off your psyche?

After all, you can’t expect your system to stay clean if your brain’s not doing the same.

Some breathing room for your crazed brain.

Leave a Comment

So, you were willing to try meditating.

Ya know – to calm that nagging, constant cogitation that comes with being clean?

But the problem is… you feel kinda stuck.

Where can you turn?


“I know I’ve been an arsehole for literally my entire life… but could you give me a hand?”

First, it’s tough sitting silently with yourself. And second, you’re not sure what to do once you get into position. (Cross your legs? Hum some random syllable? Do I pay someone to teach me?) I went through all of this as well at the outset. I’d thought about learning TM (til I saw the pricetag.) And apps like “Headspace” didn’t seem much better, requesting the better part of a c-note for their assistance too. Shouldn’t this have been free? Shouldn’t everyone have access to the secrets of their own internal worlds? Why’s some d-bag in a mansion have it and I don’t? That’s when I took to Youtube, and began my quest to cure my restive head sans going broke in the process.

See, for me, one of the worst bits about meditation was sitting quietly by myself – and doing so in an apartment that housed so many negative memories. So, I changed up the scenario. Went to the water. Sat in the woods. Perched on my balcony. But when the winter hit, that became a challenge. I found myself retreating back to my lair most days, and – again – too panicked to sit in quiescence. The thoughts bombarding me gave no brain space – no reprieve from the demons within.

That’s when I found this great audio piece by Louise Hay.


(Best bit about it? Totally free.)

Okay, I admit. Coming from a lifetime of being a sarcastic, skeptical shrew about all things peaceful – part of me started suffering from a terminal case of eye-roll. At first. But then, when I realized my options were running low and my chances of relapse were running high, something happened. That “O” word. Open-mindedness. (It’s amazing what new avenues we’re willing to travel when we’ve gotten sick enough of being sick.) And, sure enough, after listening to it for a bit here and there (addicts are often antsy folk; we can’t sit still for the full 47 minutes, most’ve us) each day, I found it far easier to plop down and enter quiet mindfulness for five to ten minutes. And then I could work up from there. All because I’d tweaked the tone of my dome going into my practice.

It’s funny because usually I’ll say “you can’t solve internal problem with externals”.

But I feel like – since this is just an audible montage of good life advice – it doesn’t exactly count as an “external”. Where a palliative leaves you, this resonates. It’s a chain of mindblow moments for your spirit to snack on for the better part of an hour til you calm down enough to get your “Om” on, ya know? And that’s half the battle. Because most of the time, meditation’s challenging ’cause of the malevolent musing loops that won’t dissipate in your brain. Telling you what’s wrong with your life – while forgetting what you’ve got to be grateful for. Canceling out all your accolades on account of one reprimand at work. Seeing reality as something worse than it is. It’s all bullshiz, but it’s the kind we collectively forget is B.S. Which is why we all need an occasional reminder in order to calm down. Having affirmations like the one in the video, can aid in the process by reminding us of how ridiculous our non-problems are. (Also, it helps that it sounds as if it’s being read bedtime story style by your grandma who’s two seconds away from telling you the chocolate chip cookies are ready.)

Then, when you’re good an calm?

Here’s how to base jump from the roof of your crazed brain into your inner world:

So, no, my loves. There’s no need to fork out two grand for a mantra and a master.

Or even 70 bucks for an easy access app.

Just listen to clips of this badazz bish on the daily, and see if it doesn’t get easier.

The 3 D’s to dispatch your cravings

Leave a Comment

There’s a lot more to addiction recovery than fighting cravings.

A lot.

But between the meetings and meditations and whatever else is helping you stay clean ‘n serene (most days), we all know there are those days and nights (and times in the middle of an especially hellish day at work) when those cravings come on strong. Strong enough to cause a cognitive crash. Strong enough for non-logic to flood your noggin. Strong enough for all your other life priorities to disappear. And this is frustrating. Because when this happens to me – I have just enough awareness to know I cannot successfully use. But not enough to manage to resultant rage of abstaining. So, while I won’t give in, I’ll go take out my frustration on some other area of my life, causing a ripple effect of bad ramifications. Which is why, some people use a few simple tools of the self-psych hackery genre for rapid craving abating. For me, I’ve distilled it down to the “three D’s”:

Starting with making the craving less 3-D:

DULL IT OUT

What’s making the craving so intense right now? Likely the prospect that it seems real. You can almost taste it with your senses. In this mental exercise, we aim to do the opposite. What you do is imagine the thing you’re craving – starting in high def quality, vibrant color, and totally accessible. Then, gradually, you imagine it turning to black and white. Once in monochrome, you then can imagine its image has become static-y. Unclear. As its crispness disappears, you slowly envision it becoming further and further away. Less real. Inaccessible. No longer at the forefront of your mind. What this helps to do is release your attachment to the object – the concept of the craving – until it seems unreal to you and less relevant.

DISGUST YOURSELF BY IT

Similar to the “dulling” exercise, this self-disgust practice is another way to tweak your thinking about your fixation. The difference? Instead of merely making it boring, you’re making the thing seem downright revolting. I remember doing this once when I was first quitting fast food (long before I ever got healthy). Not sure how I came up with it except for the fact that sheer willpower alone wasn’t working, so I convinced myself that the smell alone was disgusting. And I was reminded of it the other day when I saw this Tony Robbins piece on pizza – and making this dude from the audience go from loving to loathing it. What Tony does, is put it on a -10 to +10 scale. You you go through the process of first explaining why it’s great to yourself. Why it’s a +10. (“The texture of the cheese, the taste of my favorite toppings, the fact that I don’t hafta share it with anyone ’cause I live alone…”) Then, after that, you start slowly start giving it disgust demerits. You bring the pizza down a peg or two, or twelve. (“Ew, this’s been sitting out for a while, I think I saw a fly land on it, the cheese looks kinda like Buffalo Bill’s skin suits…) til the mere thought of the stuff sounds about as appealing as cleaning the toilets of a Mexican restaurant with your tongue.

DEPUTIZE YOUR CRAVINGS


“‘xcuse me – can you put on the Victoria’s Secret Fashion show so I can remember why I’m doing this?”

Then, finally, after all this negative thinking, you can make your cravings positive.

Or rather, you can let your positive cravings stand in for your bad ones. What some of the pros propose, is that you set up your environment to reflect things you positively desire. For example, if it’s too dark to run outside on a trail (my fave healthy craving), then my next craving’s for laziness and gluttony. To sit inside, and eat instead. So, I have to coddle the cravings and give it a baby bottle of positivity to appease it. Since I hate the gym, I usually work out outside (a lot) and that’s how I stay fit. However, I know that if I want to keep up both my endurance, fitness identity, and general sense of well-being, I’ve gotta do my bi-daily cardio. And since I hate being on a machine (and just wanna hop off every second of the first ten minutes), I’ll do a craving trade. I set my iphone in front of me and put on a Youtube music video playlist of upbeat beats set to sexy, happy, active people living their lives and doing awesome stuff. It’s like a combo of fitspo and lifespo. A general reminder for what I crave long term – not the laziness craving tryn’a hijack my mind right now.

So there you have it:

Dull it down, disgust yourself with it, and deputize.

From smack to bad snacks, I hope these tips’ll help curb your burning urges.

Addicted to pity? Try this 30 day challenge

Leave a Comment

I got asked this question in my Quora feed today:

Why do I always think things like “Maybe if I stopped eating as much, they’d feel bad for me” and similar thoughts?

And, honestly, it reminded me so much of at least a few friends I know.

You know the ones. Life’s always against them. You offer solace and advice – and they take the solace but not the advice. They tell themselves (and you) that your solutions won’t work because of reasons they (made up but) vehemently believe in. It’s frustrating. Here, you’re tryn’a be nice and they’re just harshing your vibe in return. Why are they so damned self centered? Admittedly, this is just what I was starting to think… when I had to stop myself short. Because: duh. I’ve been there before. The emotional sniper hunting down people and prizing their pity from them. I’m still there, in morose mode, some days. (Not a good look.) This is addiction. Not the drugs. Not the alcohol. The detrimental behavior that manifests in all sorts’ve isolating ways, including perpetual emotional extortion. Thus, I did my best to remember how my own non-logic operates when I do the same… and then offer the asker some hope for how to change it. (Which also helps me inasmuch as it’s reinforcement for how not to act the fool.) If you find yourself secretly giving into this shameful sympathy siphoning practice too, then maybe you’ll get something outta my answer. Here it is:

You asked why you keep thinking these things.

Ah, I hear you, man.

See, I’ve had these kinds of thoughts too. Especially in my teen years. Why? Well, I tend to think it’s because it feels good to feel relevant. Acknowledged. Like you matter. Most people crave attention that makes them feel unique in some way. And that’s normal. It’s also normal, in our shizophrenic society (where cute cat videos sit a millimeter apart on our Facebook feeds from footage of fit-for-the-undernet level violence), to mistake pity as an appropriate way to get that attention. Also, you may have some underlying unresolved issues going on to compound that proclivity. The problem with having your buddies throw pity parties for you, though, is that that validation can’t last forever. They’ll say something nice to make you feel better, the connection will feel good, and then they’ll move on back to their positive lives.

Without you.

No matter how saintly they are.


“It’s been real, baby, but I gots to go spread the rest of my awesome elsewhere…”

Bummer, right?

The thing is – unlike seeking advice for a legit issue (and then fixing it) – getting perpetual pity in and of itself doesn’t feel good. Why? Well, there’s no sustainable resolution to it. You have to keep going back for more – like a drug – which means you’re using people. They’re not even people anymore. Just a ceaseless sea of ego appeasers. Which makes you even more disconnected from humanity. What you crave is that fleeting connection where the attention’s on you. Someone’s making you feel special. Once they stop, though, there you are – sad again because of A.) whatever initial thing was bothering you enough to seek pity in the first place, and B.) the feeling of loss because the dude or dudette in question’s no longer there making you feel better about yourself.

Pity-receiving breeds negativity because it’s a negative thing.

Sure, you’re getting the spotlight for a sec, but it’s coming from a sense of loss and longing and solipsistic thoughts. It’s easy validation. Not some success you’ve toiled to accomplish. However, there’s hope. It’s hard, but I promise – it’s worth it. First, you can build your own sense of affirmation by doing self-affirming things. Daily exercise. Trying a new sport. Learning a new language. Taking a class. All those things content, well-rounded people who never seem to seek pity are doing. Just start small. This isn’t a competition against anyone – except who it is you’ve been up ’til now.


(Make yourself work for that “winner” feeling at least once a day.)

And speaking of those people worth emulating, let’s swing that spotlight over to the human who was kind enough to help you out. The person who seemingly has their shiz together enough to offer you their ear – or shoulder to cry on. The person who’s offering you positive vibes and high hopes and then returning to their lives after you chat. Would you rather be that sort of person? Or how you are right now? Before you say that you could never be the gleeful type, don’t fret. You don’t have to. All you need to be is okay. Sometimes happy. Sometimes sad. But always able to deal with either. In other words: a better version of yourself. And you know what? Really, that other person we’re talking about… is just like you. They have their own life issues. Their own insecurities. Their own times when they need a helping hand or to call on a friend. But you wanna know what sets them apart? How they choose to respond to those feelings. We all can can choose. If they call a friend, they likely listen to the solution being offered, internalize it, and act on it. (Versus just getting the emotional fix without fixing the issue itself.) That’s the hard part for many. Because if you fix the true problem, you can’t get the pity induced high anymore. Which means you have to start working from within to get your kicks. Which means giving up the emotional welfare check from external sources. You don’t have to feel ashamed that you’ve been doing this. You probably didn’t even realize you were. Just know that feeding into this way’s not serving you anymore. Know that something far better awaits you if you can find the willingness to change.

And you wanna know the other thing that sets these guys apart?

It’s the fact that they’re in on this little secret.

A game changer.

Something as simple in theory as it is tough to do.

Something that-…

Alright, alright.

Here it is:

These people know that by redirecting the focus off themselves – and onto helping someone else – that they can potentially help both the receiver and themselves. (After all, that’s what they did with you, isn’t it?) They feel good because it’s nice break from the exhaustion of constantly focusing on themselves and they feel worthy and relevant – the moment you say “thank you for letting me vent” or “I appreciate your advice”. A little gratitude’s very validating. And that right there’s a legitimate, symbiotic connection. One that’s positive. One that lasts. And one that elevates them through the day so that they don’t need to do things like seek out the next fleeting sympathy fix.

I appreciate that you asked why you think these thoughts – not how to change.

But I can’t help but think you asked why because it’s bothering you.

Which means you probably do want these thoughts to go away.

The good news is that’s totally possible. The less easy to hear news, is that you need to meet that change halfway. If you wanna modify your thoughts – to feel good – then I’ve got a little challenge for you. You up for it? Yes? Oh, good. First: Do something self-affirming every day this month. Whether it’s going for a run, joining a dojo, meditation, working on an art project, whatever – do something on the daily that makes you feel accomplished and kinda bad azz.

Second thing? Seek someone out to ask about their day. Then (and this part’s important) listen closely when they talk. Find a detail about what they say – and then use it to ask a follow up question. Be interested – even if you’re not. (Yes, you read that right.) And if they seem kinda bummed out, then try relating to them and expressing empathy. This means that you can put all your insecure feelings that were formerly launching parties o’ pity to use – by sharing how you’re going through it too. Sometimes it’s helpful for others to hear they’re not alone. Just take care not to turn it into a conversation about you. Because this isn’t about wallowing – for either’ve you. In fact, when you tell your tale of woe, hope should be on its heels. That’s where you get to share how you got yourself unstuck from a rut. What you do when you feel the same way to feel good about yourself again. And then, if they’re wise, they’ll internalize it and follow suit eventually. And you? You’ll feel great knowing your savvy gained from self affirmation served a purpose. Indeed, the first time I learned that the antidote to insecurity was setting my selfishness aside was a total mindblow for me.


“WHY THE FLUFF AM I ONLY LEARNING THIS NOW?!”

TLDR; I’ll tell you: try this for a month, and it’ll change your world. If you build a basic foundation of self-affirmation and worthiness first, then you’ll feel worthwhile enough to be a better attention giver. And when you learn to be a better attention giver, it’ll change your life forever. Everyone’ll love you for it. And, in turn, you’ll feel so good, you won’t want people to feel bad for you anymore.

You won’t want anyone to feel bad at all.

You’ll just want to keep spreading these epic vibes you’re giving off.

Best of luck, friend.

“How long does recovery take?”

Leave a Comment

“So… how long does it take to recover from addiction?”

I heard this question the other day and my mind automatically went to this interview Russell Brand did with Oprah. Homie’s been clean for about 11 or 12 years now. And when Oprah asks him when the last time was that he wanted to use, he says, “Right before I came in here!”

It’s a beautiful, albeit vague, answer to the question being asked.

(Along with the rest of the interview, which I can’t find online. But click the pic below for a snippet.)

What it demonstrates, in all its honesty, is that thing no one likes to hear:

There’s no ending point in addiction recovery.

From here on out, it’s management. Why? Because you’ve kicked a habit with deep emotional and chemical ties. It’s changed your brain. That habit’s in there for life. But before that makes you anxious and afraid, hear me out. Because, while that sounds gloomy ‘n pessimistic, it’s actually not. People overcome bad habits all the time. It’s just that not all of them admit they’re addicted to something. Addicted to junk food. Addicted to filmed fornication. Addicted to eating chalk. (Hey, that’s a real thing – I saw it on “My Strange Addiction.”) And how about those people you know who can’t quit eating the artery clogging slop or popping prescription meds – even though it’s all killing them? The people who tell themselves it’s okay ’cause it’s “legal”. In a way, if you’re in recovery, the only difference between you and a good percentage of the population is that 1.) Your addiction may have been illegal, and 2.) You’re actually acknowledging – and trying to fix – it.

Which is fantastic because – once you acknowledge it – you understand why managing this intrinsic madness is so crucial. The thing is, the turmoil soil from which your fixation flowered in the first place… is still there once you rip the rotten plant from the roots. It must be dealt with. For months, years, or however long – you’ve stamped in the habit of feeding that pain euphoria. Even if you never go back to drugs, this proclivity (which remains) can ruin your life in a host of other ways. We tend to avoid unpleasantness of reality by seeking out pleasant avoidance activities. In my early clean time, I remember binges on food, movies, and self abuse in all forms serving as a fantastic way to circumvent the shame I felt about not doing all the tasks I couldn’t handle. Or was too afraid to. If I couldn’t write enough articles or felt too anxious to attend a meeting, feeding into cyclic fixations mitigated my guilt about it. Recovery programs – good ones – point out this avoidance. They help us laugh at the absurdity of it. Then, they help us break down that snowball of daunting to-do’s we’ve been putting off so that we can tackle ’em.

One day at a time.

In other words, the potential to relapse is always there. It’s a habit stamped into to your brain, so recovery’s forever. But it does get easier. If you diligently manage it. How? Well, by keeping around a clan of fellow recoverers who’ve been at it for a while. (Even if you don’t show up every damned day to a meeting, having a textable network proves super helpful – for both you and your buddies.) And by stamping in some new habits – healthy replacement routines. And that’s where some hope comes in for those wanting a specific timeline. While there’s no finish line, there is this thing called neuroplasticity. Something that takes roughly 30 to 90 days. (Which’s why you see those tags awarded for those first crucial few months.) It’s this thing where your brain forms new networks as you practice new habits. Whether you’re playing the piano or studying “How To Handle Reality For Dummies” (which, I bet is an actual book), it’s been proven:

Anything you take time doing, your brain’s indelibly inking in as a habit.

So, it would make good sense that supplanting your old routine of freebasing for free therapy (with people who give a shiz and aren’t just getting paid to help you) would be an excellent way to avoid recidivism. As mentioned – it usually take 30 to 90 days to stop feeling like a foreign chore that’s painful and vexing and up for discussion. Three months in, if you’ve stuck it out (“it” being your new routine of “how to human properly”, built in recovery), then it becomes a bit more organic feeling. Something you just do. A new facet of your personality.

And why do you hafta keep doing it? Much like that Scientific American study showed with rats – if you turn off a newly acquired habit, former ones resume. This is why you’ll hear some’ve the more gossipy members throw shade at other members’ behavior, saying stuff like “My sponsee’s doing everything wrong except relapsing on crack…” ’cause, shizzy as it is to ridicule others when you should focus on yourself, we all know there’s a lot more to recovery than getting clean. Eliminating the drug’s just the first step. Fertilizing the soil for a new ‘n improved orchard of self actualization is the rest.

Thus, while this is for life – that only has to be a bad thing if you choose to view it that way. Maybe you’re the only addict you know outside of the rooms of recovery. And that makes you feel a bit lonely. But lemme ask you this. How many “normal” people do you know who’ve got a bad back or bum knee or the like from something dumb they did skiing or skateboarding or whatever? Something they have to do exercises for every day to manage the pain? This is no different. You had a genetic tendency (arguably) toward addiction. You picked up a substance. It led to addiction. That’s just a fact – part of your reality now – just like your buddy’s bad back he’s gotta wake up early and stretch every A.M. Whether or not you brought it on yourself’s irrelevant. The point is, it’s here now. And when you think of it as just another malady you manage to make your make your days easier – then it’s also easier to handle tackling another day. And that’s all you need to do. Focus on your new habit for the next 24 hours. And, while you do, remember that the fact that it’s not shameful doesn’t mean you have to talk about it outside the rooms. I mean, would you carp about your hemorrhoids to randos? Constipation? A yeast infection? No. Some things we wait to share with the right audience.

And I’d highly (unhighly, rather) suggest finding that audience ASAP. Because they’re the ones who are gonna help you get on recovery road and see you through. It’s far easier to not let those lonelier, more isolating aspects of addiction consume you and drive you into relapse if you have other people by your side, telling you they’ve gone through the same. That they have a day by day handle on it. And that their ongoing shame sagas are every bit as comically preposterous as yours.

There’s a connection in that camaraderie which little else can fulfill.

So, how long’s recovery take?

It takes today, friend.

Now come back and ask me again tomorrow, if you forget.

Shadow work in recovery: get enlightened about your “dark” side

Leave a Comment

Newly sober, you might feel compelled to be upbeat.


“I’m better now! Everything’s amazing!
My life’s like one of those warm, orangey filtered drug commercials!
Wait… is that a chemtrail or a rainbow behind me?”

And, I’ve gotta say. I’m guilty of this myself sometimes. And by sometimes, I mean a lot. Because often, that’s all your public needs to see. Or wants to see. At work, your clients or patients don’t like to see you complaining. On social media, nobody’s a fan of the chronic poster who sounds like they’re status updating supine from a Freudian sofa. But, that begs the question: if we better managed all the underlying trauma causing the drama and scowls, would we need to fake like we’re fantastic? For our companions? Our colleagues? Our selves – until we start acting out again?

The answer, according to many, is no. We wouldn’t hafta rock a facade if we just did the work. We’ve all – addicts or not – got problems we don’t wanna deal with. But, particularly after a life of active addiction, there’re gonna be a lot of wounds that need healing. This is often why step programs or meeting up with a counselor prove fruitful. They summon the demons to the surface. Then, you, using your willingness and openness sorcery, can spell-cast them into benign little lambs. And then go about your day. That hard part’s starting at all. It may not feel good remembering the horrible things you’ve either done or undergone in the past. The mere thought of saying painful stuff out loud is uncomfortable because it may not jibe with your present, false, view of things. Even though you know it’ll ultimately improve your life to do so. But ya know what’s even worse? Shoveling dirt over those problem zombies tryn’a claw their way to the cognitive surface. Keep them down there, and they just start eating your soul from the inside out while you rock your removable potato head smile for your friends ‘n fam – who may very well be reading about you in the obits by the end of the week if you don’t get your shiz together.

Sound grim? Well, it’s reality.

And that’s what people who talk about “The Shadow Self” want to shine some light on: our “darkness”.

The problem, they propose, is that a lot of new age spirituality is excessively feel-good, pushing a positive mindset and encouraging positive affirmations. And while I’m all for that overactive happiness stuff (when it’s needed – to get us out of an unnecessarily negative slump), I also get what these shadow folk are talking about. We can’t live like ostriches. Sure, most of us obviously wanna dwell in that happy, feel-good, light. Duh, it feels good. And we’re addicts. We like feeling euphoric because it mitigates the pain we’re unwilling to fix ourselve. And that’s why it’s super easy to forget (or, for some of us newer to spirituality, it’s just tough to realize at all) that a monumental part of strengthening that happy, higher side of our selves… is by tending to those less admirable aspects of life too. Whether they’re defects we’ve got, health issues, unforseen catastrophes, an ugly past, whatever – you’ve gotta ask yourself: “when was the last time that ignoring an issue ever made it go away? Or made me feel more complete?”

The interesting flipside to this is that – just because we’re journeying into shadow land, doesn’t mean we take an extended holiday over there. It’s a quick trip for the sake of repairing whatever’s broken. Does a plumber come over to your home and lament with you about your dysfunctional crapper? No. He fixes it – and leaves. For some reason, we’ve got trouble doing that with our own intrinsic facilities’ functions that’ve gone awry. Why? ’cause our “feels” get all attached to it. (As addicts, we’re especially prone to going on benders with our own emotions.) We take it personally. We believe it defines us somehow. Like it’s some indelible bit of our identity. That’s what makes it so easy to forget you can work toward solutions without wallowing in the problem itself. (Or emotionally attaching to it till you descend down a spiral that culminates in copious cake eating and other miscellaneous acts of self-loathery ’cause you’re depressed.)

Thus, our perpetual task’s to find the balance between the “light and dark”.

To reside on that line betwixt the two so that we can hop over to either side as needed – as reality dictates. Ignoring our shadows or wallowing in ’em alike merely feeds them. If you knew a murderer was hiding in the corner of your room, would crying about it stop him from killing you? How about just pretending he wasn’t there? Or she? In case that chick from my women’s group is reading this and chastising me from across town?


“I totes see you, lol. Going to bed now. Plz don’t kill me and make a skinsuit outta me ‘n stuff, thx.”

We can’t harness our “darkness” if we don’t acknowledge it and then try to work toward a solution. And we might also be less willing to to harness our “darkness” (note the quotes) if we use terms like “darkness” that’ve got a negative connotation to it. And, no, my hippie-haters, that’s not me trying to hitch a positive vibe to this piece. Just being realistic. And realistically, denial’s powerful when we already wanna avoid something – like self work.

Thus it’s better to remember that shadow work doesn’t hafta be so daunting. Or negative. It’s just a thing that’s there to be tinkered with, like a faulty car part. For me, personally, I prefer to think of it as a puzzle. A riddle. A riddle that will rid you of some’a that brain fog, guilt, depression, or other unpleasant emotions that you’re finally ready to jettison from your head. And how do you even get there? As mentioned above, maybe head to a meeting (thos’re free.) Maybe hop online and hit up a fellow ex-drinker or reformed junkie. Or, mayhaps call and schedule a sesh with a profesh to help exorcise your cerebral closet of its problem monsters.


And what if none’a those options are available as you delve into your brain’s cave?

Then, do what I (try but often fail) to do when I’m flying solo; try to remember the most important question of all you’d ask when SHTF: What’s the solution here? And then: what can I do to improve this problem? That’s crucial. You being part’ve the solution. Just remembering that I have the power to tame that menagerie of malevolent creatures clogging up my neuron pasta is pretty empowering. Even if it’s by merely tweaking my own outlook of them, reminding myself of that puts me halfway back on track to serenity before I even get started. Then, the other half is, ya know, actually starting to fix it.

In sum, our positivity garden’s fostered by fertilizer from the dark side’s shiz.

Shiz we’ve either fixed… or are trying our hardest to manage.

So, happy shadow-tilling, my recovering light lovers who used to get lit!

Afraid to get paid for helping fellow addicts? Don’t be!

Leave a Comment

So, you’ve done your clean time. Your steps. You’ve even become a sponsor.

And while all of that’s fulfilling beyond what you could’ve ever dreamed, something’s… missing.

Something about your nine to five.


(Or they used to, at least… Now they come to AA and do the same damned thing.)

You see, back when I was in the rooms more frequently myself, I’d see people wander in at seven or eight, wearing weary faces from a day of self imposed emotional abuse. It was clear to me that at least a good handful of my peeps weren’t enjoying their work. They weren’t doing what they were “called” to do. (Or at least interviewing for something new that might lead them to it.) They were settling. And, as for who’s doing said “calling”, that’s up to you. But it’s like that great, big, sweaty spiritual dude says when he’s giving motivational speeches that’re just missing an organ playing in the background: don’t confuse your talent (or capacity to make money) with your passion (which can also make you money). Likewise, we should never confuse our acceptance of reality with complacency (or fear of going after anything worthwhile but risky). As these post work members would sit and listen (to people who were actually “following their bliss” professionally), I’d slowly notice their stern countenances melt into warmth and gratitude for the inspiration they were getting outta someone’s share. And I’d look at them. And I’d wonder: What is it that makes them hate their jobs while that lady over at the table across from me is beaming radiantly after being up since 4 A.M.? More importantly – what is it that makes them stay at those jobs? And then, I realized, I was doing the same damned thing. That was when I started making moves to do what I really wanted in life – work in physical therapy. They talk a lot about living in reality in recovery. And the reality is that we all have shizzy days or spirit weakening weeks. And that sometimes we’re exhausted after doing our jobs. That’s reality. Butchya know what isn’t? If every one’a your shares is a complaint about the same thing that bothered you every Tuesday for past two months…

Sound like you?

Then mayhaps it might it be time to trade in your trade for a new one.

Something you know you’re good at.

Like… addiction counseling, for example.


(What? I got cheated. Had I known Moby’s a counselor, I’d’ve totally gone to him instead during those early days.)

It makes sense. Two thirds of all addiction counselors are indeed recovering addicts themselves. And that’s the first thing I always wondered: why didn’t those sharing about how in hate they were with their daily racket… build on their recovery? Take what they’re good at – and make it a money making entity? Especially if you’re already a sponsor? I mean that in itself’s like having an internship under your belt. Espesh when you know what it’s like to deal with obstinate reforming pill poppers like me when they call you up in the middle of your family dinner complaining about what a trigger it is that your mom cares enough to check in on you every hour. And that’s a characteristic worth mentioning, too: whenever I’d later apologize to my sponsor about having to meet late to do step work or the un-higherpower-ly hour I called her at when I was “having a moment”, she’d let me know it helped her just as much. That someone did it for her. And so she’s glad to pass on that help. It’s work she feels called to do. Similarly, this is the same work I’d witness make ex cons and former gang members glow in the rooms. It was captivating to observe this fairy tale Cinderella moment unfold: the furrowed brows, the iron exterior, the guarded prison posture – all evaporated after helping.

Helping someone like themselves.

And, ya know, maybe that’s why some addicts don’t like the idea of becoming counselors as a career. They’re afraid making money from it will cheapen it, somehow. Go against the whole idea of “selfless service”. Or – mayhaps they’re afraid of losing the intensity of their passion by transforming it into a profession. And, while I can relate to those fears, I’d like to challenge both’a those notions. I mean, just because you’re supporting yourself doing something doesn’t mean you can’t keep doing it altruistically on the side. On the contrary, people who truly love their field often can’t stop exposing themselves to work related material – even in their downtime. (Case in point: my mom who’d get off a long hospital shift, come home, and watch “Mysteries of the ER” for four hours., trying to beat the doctors to the diagnosis. And then call me up to inform me that I definitely had black mold poisoning. At 3 A.M. I digress.)

The point is – that when we’re passionate – when we genuinely enjoy our work, it fills us up till it overflows into our other life areas. When we genuinely enjoy it, it augments – not detracts – from our extracurricular interactions. Sometimes that happens from a field totally unrelated to what we’re talking about here: a career you so thrive on, that empowers and enlivens you so much – that it makes you better able to connect with everyone as your highest self. Addicts or not. Maybe you’re a scientist – who truly wants to help heal the injured. Maybe you’re comfortable in banking ’cause it’s easy – but love culinary preparation with a passion. Or maybe you’re a sniper who wants to be the next Deepak Chopra. Listen to that nagging within you. As for me, it was work in physical therapy that I knew I needed to return to. But who knows what’s meant for you? You. Only you can identify what it is that makes you feel most open and content in this world. And should that passion indeed be the need to counsel other addicts, you needn’t feel badly. Or guilty. Or think of it as some debased fallen hobby angel with ripped wings that used to be sacred but suddenly isn’t since it’s now helping you subsist on earth. On the contrary, the constant practice of helping other addicts (all different, with all sorts’ve personalities) on the daily could stand to make you an even better sponsor to your next non-profit case that saunters over to you after the closing prayer, swinging that white key tag, and asking for a bit o’ tutelage. And where that used to be a terrifying undertaking, you can now have the confidence to know you’ve got a few more tools in your belt that’ll help. And confidence to know that your day gig’s been a double investment:

Partially on a financial level – sure.

But also on a continuing-ed-to-aid-newcomers level.

So, maybe addiction counseling’s for you to pursue. Maybe that’s your passion.

Or maybe this article just reminded you of that one other thing that is – which you’ve been neglecting.

And that we never need confuse serenity with settling.

Rehab with wolves? Alright. I’ll bite.

Leave a Comment

When I was first getting clean, I remember hearing this story:

It was one of those things that came parallel to truly understanding, for the first time, that I had to take charge of my own reality. Accept reality on reality’s terms. Foster my positive consciousness. Offer fewer nutriments to the less respectable proclivities festering within me – by redirecting my focus. But – to even make that realization took steps. And, while I eventually began nourishing the right side, I didn’t start feeding the good wolf so easily. For me, it meant keeping a program, a network of other addicts, and getting active. For some, they get there via moderation management or joining an athletic sober community. And, then, for others yet?

They feed actual wolves to stay clean

In fact, they do a lot more with those wolves besides feed them. You see, out in Los Angeles, there’s this program called “Wolf Connection” where emotionally troubled folk (mostly young people – but everyone from recovering addicts to PTSD peeps) can go to do one on one work with a wolf dog. (That’s a wolf who’s been bred with the kinda dog that lives in your house, begs at your dinner table, and leaves you presents on the carpet right after you stood in the cold with her for 45 minutes.) It might seem random or irrelevant to recovery (which is what I first thought the day I saw it in a magazine). However, when you truly think about it, it kinda isn’t. What the program does, is pair you up with one of these intuitive, misunderstood creatures – and then send you out to spend some time hiking with him (or her – to be paw-litically correct). If you’ve ever had a regular dog, you’ve probably recognized how these creatures are like furry aura readers with four legs. Wolf dogs, in all their slightly less domesticated glory, still harbor that primal connection to the earth – while retaining the capacity for a human bond. This allows their new guardian learn those intrinsic lessons from them you can’t get with words. And that’s another helpful bit about this therapy form, too. Because animals don’t have the capacity for language or ego, there’s the ability to offer love and compassion which are crucial to recovery – without stipulations or the possibility of rejection. (Or the chance of thirteenth stepping anyone, for that matter.) Per volunteer, Renee Dutcher, who works there, these animals can tell when people are in need straight away.

“They are so powerful and so gentle and caring,” Dutcher said. “When they work with teens and young adults who feel lost, unloved or like they aren’t worth anything, these animals will go right up to them and let them know they’re just as important as anyone else.”

Not to mention the fact that a lot of them, as mentioned, have also been misunderstood.

They’re surrendered, often times, by folks who don’t grasp the concept that a wolfdog’s not like my shih-tzu (who I have to constantly check for signs of life because she’s so lazy). They’re active. They like playfulness and movement. You can’t keep them cooped up or they get destructive. (Which, as a restless addict, I can totally identify with.)

Then, there’s the nature aspect. Say what you want about hippie tree huggers or preferring to stay inside on your iphone, but there’s something incomparably magical about immersing yourself in the woods for a trail trek. It’s cleansing. Recalibrating. Mind clearing. All the things you want when your brain’s banging on about your latest craving. Add in an animal, and it’s a potential win – ’cause they’re just domesticated enough to form a connection with you, but still connected enough to nature to make you fall in love with it too. Ultimately, the experience – the pairing – has led young addicts to recover and lead the kinda lives where they can cultivate that peace the Cherokee proverb above speaks about.

I’m lucky that I’ve personally found a way to keep my shadowy, rage filled, hateful creature looking like something out of an ASPCA commercial hosted by Sarah Mclachlan. It took a bit. (And the only thing they told us to bond with was a house plant.) But if you or some young reprobate you know could use a literal wolf to turn their joyful, figurative ones obese… then have ’em try these guys.

Help them take charge of their life before it’s too late…

…by being charged with early man’s best friend.