literature

What’s your inspo-vation?

(Why, yes, this is another Ashleyism. Let’s go with it for now, shall we?)

For me, inspiration and motivation are like those two components of ayahuasca – when separate, they’re cool and all; but mush ‘em together and they’ll blow your mind. While I tend to think of inspiration as being something intrinsic, that bubbles up within you (not unlike passion or creativity), motivation seems to feels more external when it hits me. I tend to think of being motivated toward a goal because others either rely on me – or because I really want it due to what it will mean for me in my place in society. And why do I need both? Well, inspiration can hit me – but I can ignore it or only half act on it if self doubt or apathy hit me as I’m about to indulge it. That’s where motivation comes in. But motivation needs inspiration just as much as inspiration needs motivation. Motivation can prompt me to act – but then, once I do, I might execute the task poorly or not get the most out of it (if I’m only motivated out of fear instead of inspiration.) That’s why I’ve found it’s important in my own path that the two synch up like a music eating ipod (but hopefully faster than the archaic one I own) so that I can belt out a beautiful, metaphorical melody of mellowness in reply to reality as SHTF (AKA the moment I step out the door).

(Which is, incidentally, the opposite of my factory default setting.)

Now that you know what inspo-vation is, can you think of anything you’re currently doing that fits that bill?

Maybe you’re doing both parts without realizing it.

Maybe only half.

For example, I’ve come to notice that more than a handful of folk (including myself) I’ve met have a favorite book or insight-source they use like a spiritual magic 8 ball. You know what I mean? Open up a book randomly and – whatever page it’s on – the message scrawled across it was the one you were meant to get today? For some that’s “Just for today”. For others, it might be that one book Jesus’ pals wrote. And, for others yet who I’ve met in recovery, I’m pretty sure it must be the Necronomicon. For that matter, you might have a favorite show – from SuperSoul Sunday to In Deep Shift (a title I kinda love almost as much as the affably anxious grizzled host of the series.) Or maybe it’s a few channels you subscribe to online. Finding Gabrielle Bernstein was my early sobriety days’ life raft – not just because of her amazing wealth of helpful tips and tricks to hack your own ego, but because of the plethora of other related channels that hers led me to.

But my mind is tricky. It’ll try to delude me into thinking all this DIY stuff’s enough.

And before you know it, I’m isolating again.

That’s where the external motivation comes in – the push from the outside. The meetings. Your sponsor (if you’re in a step program). Or even just that one friend or mentor in your sober network you really connect with. Service work’s another optimal way to connect, too. It’s when we connect with others that all those trust and self-affirmation hormones start ping ponging us out of solipsism so we can remember what our place is in our tribe. Or that we even have a place, for that matter.

Whatever floats your sober boat, says I – so long as you have a recovery raft that’s built from the right kinda material. And what am I sailing away on lately? Well, for literature, one of my all time favorites from the step program is: “Living Clean”. The thing I like about this book is that while it offers good advice, it doesn’t feel like finger wagging advice. It reminds me of talking to my sponsor or one of those older wiser folk with lots of clean time under their belt (which they’re no longer using as a tourniquet) capable of leading me to self discovery in fewer than five minutes via nada but a line of heuristic inquiries. And the most surprising thing is that – while it’s not a giant gospel long novel – it manages to hit on most of the problems we face in recovery using good clear direction and sans the didactic stuff. That’s not to say that the other literature does the latter of the two, but somehow this book’s just different. Maybe it’s because of the copious quotes from those who are also going through it. Maybe it’s because I don’t have to listen about program traditions like I’m about to be inducted into the most boring sorority ever. Maybe it’s just because it applies to most of the areas of my life and every time I crack it open to a page, it fits jigsaw style into the problem puzzle that is my life that day.

Likewise, Gabby Bernstein’s modernization of “A Course In Miracles” is an ideal way to apply timeless concepts that make sense into our social lives. Many times, it feels like spiritual how-to’s don’t jibe with our tribe, work circles, or family. What Gabby manages to do, is to offer personal anecdotes about how she breaks out these inner tools to hack the external world when it starts caving in on her. It’s for this same reason that I’ll watch TED talks on motivation, creativity, consciousness, and inspiration (and even a few airy fairy ones – just to etherize my rambunctious child side.)

Then, obviously: find folk like you to connect with.

Why the books, videos and human connection? I know; I know – I wondered this initially too. And I suppose that – aside from the hormonal and neural rearranging connection imparts – it’s kinda the same reason they say not to do the steps alone. Self-deception is a pretty powerful foe that feeds off your self-sequestration. You can pick up a book or hear a video and receive a message to mean anything you want.

“Be present? Well, at present I’d like to reenact my favorite Requiem For a Dream scene. Thanks, Eckhart Tolle!”

It’s not till you’re open and willing to hear real life other humans – and take their tips with a grain of molecular symbol Na – that NA or AA or even Oprah’s latest platitudes will start to make any meaningful, applicable sense.
That’s what a good recovery raft should comprise. When it comes to sailing away from desolation island, IMHO, a super important life-saving synthesis is going to include both what quenches your inner thirst for comfort while simultaneously motivating you forward so you don’t look back. How’s that one quote go? “There’s no favorable wind for a sailor who knows not where he’s headed”, I think? Is it enough to look at the oars and be glad you have them? No. You’d better row your ass to safety, girl. Thus, I definitely champion getting that inspo/motivation combo. And getting it via as many manifestations as you can: meetings, networking, books, videos – the works. Preferably before the squall of chaotic-but-comfortable familiarity that was the soundtrack to your addiction era finds you first instead.

“YOU get some inspo… and YOU get some inspo. And YOU get…”

‘cause having a favorite DIY reminder is definitely a fantastic tactile way of connecting with spiritual direction when you’ve got nada else. But maybe take it to a meeting or lunch date later and pass it on to a living breathing companion – and then exchange thoughts on it. Because if we really, really want to change, we have to inundate our brain ipod with the replacement habit as frequently and diligently as we spent listening to that same old song whose lyrics were almost our early epitaph. And we must do it with the same ardency we executed while focusing on the getting and using of our former fixation. And what did we do when the fix ran out? We sought more.

So what’s your inspo-vation?

What serves as the serene beat to the backdrop of your days?

And where will you score more of that beautiful musical score today?