passion

So, you’ve done your clean time. Your steps. You’ve even become a sponsor.

And while all of that’s fulfilling beyond what you could’ve ever dreamed, something’s… missing.

Something about your nine to five.

(Or they used to, at least… Now they come to AA and do the same damned thing.)

You see, back when I was in the rooms more frequently myself, I’d see people wander in at seven or eight, wearing weary faces from a day of self imposed emotional abuse. It was clear to me that at least a good handful of my peeps weren’t enjoying their work. They weren’t doing what they were “called” to do. (Or at least interviewing for something new that might lead them to it.) They were settling. And, as for who’s doing said “calling”, that’s up to you. But it’s like that great, big, sweaty spiritual dude says when he’s giving motivational speeches that’re just missing an organ playing in the background: don’t confuse your talent (or capacity to make money) with your passion (which can also make you money). Likewise, we should never confuse our acceptance of reality with complacency (or fear of going after anything worthwhile but risky). As these post work members would sit and listen (to people who were actually “following their bliss” professionally), I’d slowly notice their stern countenances melt into warmth and gratitude for the inspiration they were getting outta someone’s share. And I’d look at them. And I’d wonder: What is it that makes them hate their jobs while that lady over at the table across from me is beaming radiantly after being up since 4 A.M.? More importantly – what is it that makes them stay at those jobs? And then, I realized, I was doing the same damned thing. That was when I started making moves to do what I really wanted in life – work in physical therapy. They talk a lot about living in reality in recovery. And the reality is that we all have shizzy days or spirit weakening weeks. And that sometimes we’re exhausted after doing our jobs. That’s reality. Butchya know what isn’t? If every one’a your shares is a complaint about the same thing that bothered you every Tuesday for past two months…

Sound like you?

Then mayhaps it might it be time to trade in your trade for a new one.

Something you know you’re good at.

Like… addiction counseling, for example.

(What? I got cheated. Had I known Moby’s a counselor, I’d’ve totally gone to him instead during those early days.)

It makes sense. Two thirds of all addiction counselors are indeed recovering addicts themselves. And that’s the first thing I always wondered: why didn’t those sharing about how in hate they were with their daily racket… build on their recovery? Take what they’re good at – and make it a money making entity? Especially if you’re already a sponsor? I mean that in itself’s like having an internship under your belt. Espesh when you know what it’s like to deal with obstinate reforming pill poppers like me when they call you up in the middle of your family dinner complaining about what a trigger it is that your mom cares enough to check in on you every hour. And that’s a characteristic worth mentioning, too: whenever I’d later apologize to my sponsor about having to meet late to do step work or the un-higherpower-ly hour I called her at when I was “having a moment”, she’d let me know it helped her just as much. That someone did it for her. And so she’s glad to pass on that help. It’s work she feels called to do. Similarly, this is the same work I’d witness make ex cons and former gang members glow in the rooms. It was captivating to observe this fairy tale Cinderella moment unfold: the furrowed brows, the iron exterior, the guarded prison posture – all evaporated after helping.

Helping someone like themselves.

And, ya know, maybe that’s why some addicts don’t like the idea of becoming counselors as a career. They’re afraid making money from it will cheapen it, somehow. Go against the whole idea of “selfless service”. Or – mayhaps they’re afraid of losing the intensity of their passion by transforming it into a profession. And, while I can relate to those fears, I’d like to challenge both’a those notions. I mean, just because you’re supporting yourself doing something doesn’t mean you can’t keep doing it altruistically on the side. On the contrary, people who truly love their field often can’t stop exposing themselves to work related material – even in their downtime. (Case in point: my mom who’d get off a long hospital shift, come home, and watch “Mysteries of the ER” for four hours., trying to beat the doctors to the diagnosis. And then call me up to inform me that I definitely had black mold poisoning. At 3 A.M. I digress.)

The point is – that when we’re passionate – when we genuinely enjoy our work, it fills us up till it overflows into our other life areas. When we genuinely enjoy it, it augments – not detracts – from our extracurricular interactions. Sometimes that happens from a field totally unrelated to what we’re talking about here: a career you so thrive on, that empowers and enlivens you so much – that it makes you better able to connect with everyone as your highest self. Addicts or not. Maybe you’re a scientist – who truly wants to help heal the injured. Maybe you’re comfortable in banking ’cause it’s easy – but love culinary preparation with a passion. Or maybe you’re a sniper who wants to be the next Deepak Chopra. Listen to that nagging within you. As for me, it was work in physical therapy that I knew I needed to return to. But who knows what’s meant for you? You. Only you can identify what it is that makes you feel most open and content in this world. And should that passion indeed be the need to counsel other addicts, you needn’t feel badly. Or guilty. Or think of it as some debased fallen hobby angel with ripped wings that used to be sacred but suddenly isn’t since it’s now helping you subsist on earth. On the contrary, the constant practice of helping other addicts (all different, with all sorts’ve personalities) on the daily could stand to make you an even better sponsor to your next non-profit case that saunters over to you after the closing prayer, swinging that white key tag, and asking for a bit o’ tutelage. And where that used to be a terrifying undertaking, you can now have the confidence to know you’ve got a few more tools in your belt that’ll help. And confidence to know that your day gig’s been a double investment:

Partially on a financial level – sure.

But also on a continuing-ed-to-aid-newcomers level.

So, maybe addiction counseling’s for you to pursue. Maybe that’s your passion.

Or maybe this article just reminded you of that one other thing that is – which you’ve been neglecting.

And that we never need confuse serenity with settling.