twelve steps

Congratulations.

You’ve made it through the twelve steps. That means two things.

The first? That you start over again at step one.

And the second? That you pass it along.

“What? No prize? Where’s the streamers and giant check?”

I know. I know. I too felt like a trophy should’ve come with getting clean. But, in a way, your award’s found when you start over and start out someone else who needs help on the path. Why? Well, the thing about this serenity ladder is that it’s not linear. It’s a circle. A sober samsara. You keep going because, well, life keeps going – and so does the addictive facet of your personality. (Can’t erase it, but you can totally manage it.) It endures so long as you do. It manifests in any malicious, tricky, didn’t-see-that-shiz-coming number of ways. And, in that way, continuing on with the steps isn’t some negative laborious thing. It’s a code you’ve luckily encountered to living a more tranquil life. A gift. Many people (non-addicts, with their own plethora of unresolved issues) will go their whole lives not having the kinda guide this program offers. (which is not just about staying sober, but staying sane.) Thus, the silver lining to addiction’s that – if you come to recovery and do the work – you’re not just covering the recovery bit of your life-issues. You’re also addressing any of the daily demons gnawing at your noggin that’ve got nothing to do with drugs before they can drive you to some sort’ve destructive behavior. Like they say in the rooms, “More will always be revealed.”

So, no, you’ve never ended your journey.

(Great. Now lower the ladder, bish and help your homies below.)

And that’s why we start back at step one – to keep the disease in check.

But this is also why – when we do – we also begin looking to newcomers who need help hopping on that wheel of wellness. Becoming a sponsor. In a way, it’s like having a little sister or bro in your clean fraternity. (At least, I’m assuming they still do that; I never got into Greek life myself in college.) You’re their serenity mentor. A sober sensei. You help other people mount the self-awareness wheel, start ’em at step one, and guide them along as you continue your own self work. And, in return for paying it backward, you pay it forward to your future self. How? ’cause it’s successful in the same way the old adage about training recruits on the job is: “See one. Do one. Teach one.” Ever heard that? When you come to a meeting, you read the lit and see in person how it’s serving other long time sober folk. Then, you do it for yourself, and realize they weren’t just effing with you. They’re on some Harry Potter shiz ’cause the “big book” truly works in application.

“What sorcery is this? Witchcraft? I knew it…”

Then, after that, you demonstrate that fact one day to someone coming in and picking up a white keytag.

They hear about how three years ago your were railing mystery powder off some carnival oddity’s genetalia and dining in dumpsters. Then, in the next breath, they hear how your present problems comprise deciding whether to give up your Malibu mansion or your one in Florida and who’s going to get the private plane in the divorce. (Granted, becoming a billionaire isn’t the common recovery story. But A.) it happens and B.) the transformative 180 that happens, 100% is.) Naturally, we know those problems comparatively aren’t real problems. And, naturally, these newbie’s are drawn to the genuine joy you’re vomiting all over the meeting. Thus, they come to you saying “I wanna have what you have. How’d you get it?” And that’s when you take ’em under your clean wing and show them the ropes. Just like someone did for you when you worked the steps.

And, that’s when future you can potentially benefit.

Remember when we said you start over after step twelve? Because more will be revealed? More is always gonna be revealed. And you know what helps you do the deepest digging? Other people. This thing I’m about to say goes for any self-betterment quest, and recovery’s no different: everyone is your teacher. Sure, your sponsor and the kindly man who sponsors her. But so is that drama-mongering dry drunk who mean mugs all the way through the meeting. And so is the newcomer. Some show you what you want to be. Some show you which facets of yourself are less admirable and to avoid embodying. And some – green to being clean – just remind you of how crucial it is to keep an open mind in recovery in order to keep uncovering more about ourselves. That we all have more to learn, no matter how far we’ve come.

And that’s part of the work of sponsorship that makes it so symbiotic.

First, there’s the feel goodery that comes with an act of compassion. It says a lot about who you are if you’re willing to sacrifice your natural-high days to come down and empathize with someone on a low level. You run the risk of your good example falling flat, which can either make you feel bad – or make you hafta to work hard to remember that you can’t control other people and need to detach emotionally from the choices they ultimately make. Then again, you might have an amazing impact on them. Either way, though, you can rest assured that acting out of compassion has a resonant effect within you. Knowing, deep down, that you made an effort – at your own expense – to better someone’s situation is validating, confidence instilling, and reinforces self worth.

(It also boosts those feel-good bonding hormones.)

And when it does work – it’s mindblowing how much it can change both’a your lives.

Sure, they’re gaining indispensable insight. But so are you. By helping someone else, you’re helping yourself via reinforcing the principles that’re so easy to lose in the midst of daily, societal distractions. You can learn anything you want to – all the program literature in the world. But if you don’t apply it, you lose it. And if you don’t have reminders, you won’t apply it. And the biggest reminder is seeing the effects of the program in others. Seeing how it works in other people, helps us remember our ongoing goal. Feeling connected to that experience, however, is next level fuel for our carry-on campfire burning inside’ve us. This is why aiding a sponsee on their newfound path is especially invaluable. It’s also why they say “we keep what we have only by giving it away”. Seeing the program work in someone new is a beautiful reminder of how far you’ve come when you start to fall prey to diseased thinking again. Seeing the program work in someone because you’ve helped them, though? As a writer, I can’t aptly capture with words the feeling you get when you realize you’ve altered someone else’s life for the better. It’s a reminder that you’re a role model. (Egoic as that sounds, even the ego serves its purposes. Besides, you learn real quick that you only maintain this relevance via humility.) You’ve offered the partial seed in someone’s recovery, inseminated them with the ingredients for sobriety, and watched them grow. And that means you have a responsibility now to lead a life worth emulating. For them, and for those like them. In that way, you’re just as indebted to them as they are to you. Because they’re keeping you on track, too.

And that kinda connection’s one of the most unique things you’ll ever experience.