We just covered what some studies have to say about couples who drink together.
But where does that leave you?
How do you decide whether or not to throw in the sobriety towel and join your S.O.?
Well, if you’re on this site, you probably identify with someone who either has an issue with alcohol or some other substance. Maybe you can manage your cabernet but not your anxiety tablets. Maybe you’re fine with chemicals but your obsession is food. My only suggestion? To get very, very honest with yourself about that. What are your triggers or general issue? What can and can’t you moderate? Then, get very, very honest with yourself about where your partner stands with that as well. If they’re waving red flags, heed that shiz. Because it only takes one addict who’s using to take everyone down around them – especially the chemically susceptible.
And, finally, let’s say you do know you have a proclivity toward addictive tendencies. You’ve read articles about the study in question and it’s got you thinking. I mean, your own relationship’s gone a bit stale and you see that some relationships can be improved by adding alcohol. Now, you’re second guessing sobriety, as a result. It might be time to ask yourself: when I wasn’t happy with myself – was adding alcohol ever the answer? That’s a rhetorical question for anyone who’s been through a recovery program. So, so is the next question:
“Then why would adding alcohol to my relationship be the answer?”
I knew someone once who used to say, “Think that thought through”. It was great advice. And, lemme walk you through it, if you’re an addict. You’re with your significant other. They say something annoying. Before you know it, you’re on your second glass of sauvignon to dampen the rising rage you feel toward him. Now you’re no longer the master of your emotions. It could go one of two ways. It could end up in a blow out fight when you try to express yourself and he gets livid in return. Or, it could end up making you feel more forgiving, you have a great night together, and you wake up tomorrow realizing the problem is still there and you’re still livid about it – maybe more so, now that your endorphin levels have been sucked even farther back out to the neurochemical sea. And you’re left, cold and shaking on the shores of reality. For those with an addiction, chemicals either make us handle our issues with excessive and negative emotions or they mask those issues, only to amplify them later when the feel good chemicals are at an all time low. This is when the “sober” arguments start, fooling you into thinking that you need to drink around eachother to be happy. The truth is, you may be sober, but you’re still suffering the after effects of alcohol. Your feel-good chemicals your body naturally makes are now lower than normal. Everything offends and annoys you. From their phone call, timed right when you’re busy to an unanswered text or tone in the reply they did give – we tend to assume the worst when we’re feeling the worst. We judge people based on our emotional filter. And, for someone with any kind of an imbalance seeing through the screen of sudden sobriety, everyone looks like the enemy. Especially those closest to us.
So, whether you’re an addict or not, give your encounters with the sauce a good reflection. Look at how the times you’ve drank alone or with someone have affected you – not just in the moment, but in the days following as well. Was there anything you said or did to them that you weren’t proud of? Were there fights or interactions you can’t even remember? And if any of that sits wrong with you, then maybe it’s time to sit out the whole drinking thing.
And if your partner has a problem with that?
Well, then it might just be time to sit out that relationship altogether.