“Oh…That’s good. I need to write that down.”
Many times have I said this to myself as I entered the rabbit hole of self help videos.
(Sound familiar?)
Many of us have fallen prey to it:
Self help addiction.
And, honestly, I’m no better. From the best way to get a good butt to study tips to how to survive a breakup, I’ve seen it all. And it all began with good intentions. (Obviously.) I wake up. I make breakfast. And I watch something helpful and relevant to a problem in my life. (Why? ’cause a self help Youtuber probably told me to do it.) And, to be fair, the first Mel Robbins video is always a winner. Really hits home. But, suddenly, it’s half an hour later and my history is littered with fifty of these similar videos. (Thanks, suggestion stream…) And, without warning, I feel a bit schizophrenic. Not to mention – unmotivated. But why? Why does any of this happen with content that should be so helpful?
There’s layers to it.
First is the feed. If you’ve seen that one documentary on Netflix everyone is raving about (“Social Problem”? I think?), you already know Facebook, Instagram, and even your fave dating app are all addictive. So, it shouldn’t be a surprise that Youtube is too. Not only are there a plethora of other videos below yours, but the algorithm is on point with its ability to figure out what’ll make you stay. This might be less enticing if you were learning stuff for school. But add in the personal element and we’re nearly powerless. Of course I want to hypnotize myself into forgetting my ex boyfriend… or that there’s leftover pizza in the fridge. So we click. We click into oblivion.
The piggyback to this addiction isn’t unlike a porn habit. It’s the neurochemical experience you get. Unlike Facebook and Instagram’s gamble-reward (where you don’t know whether the next post will be boring, angering, or titillating with each scroll o’ the index finger), this is different. Everything is designed for you. You know it’s going to be good. And every video you watch sets off some sort of serotonin-dopamine cocktail, depending on how or why it inspired you. Not unlike the intention behavior gap, we end up getting high on the feeling associated with the idea of doing all these great self mods.
And… we never actually do them.
Sure, that’s because we already experienced the feeling as it resonated with us.
But there’s another aspect to it. Because we’ve been watching so much of this stuff and doping ourselves with our own neurochemical pharmacy, we end up crashing. We finish the binge, bewildered. It’s like a junkie coming down. We’re already not in the best state to take action. But, even if we were, it’d be awfully difficult. Why? Because, we’ve seen so much “advice” by now, that half of it conflicts with the other half. Heidi the Hippie says self love and eating tons of plant foods made her lean. But Joe Rogan and David Goggins say to quit being such a pansy and hit the gym whether your leg is hanging on by its ligamentous threads or not. They both resonated. Yet, they clash. Then, to top it all off, that one vegan youtuber who’s the reason you changed your whole life, diet, and moved in with a shrub munching cult just announced through an alligator tear apology video that… she’s now eating Nemo to get her omegas. Or vitamin D. Or something. And just like that, you realize something. (Other than that you should probably put down the suicide juice pastor banana demanded you all drink on tonight’s full moon.) Rather, you realize something about all of the advice you’ve been getting. Something fascinating. It’s either all BS… or it’s all correct, in some way.
And that’s the solution.
I write for a lot of self-help sites. And my advice always varies. For some, a plant based diet is good for weight loss. For others, variety is required. For some, natural sleep remedies are necessary. For others, pharmaceuticals are the only cure for their insomnia. Likewise, when it comes to managing our overall well being, not just one person is going to have the answer. I will say that if you have obsessive tendencies (and you likely do, if you’re on this site), scroll media is not your friend. Not if you’re looking to better yourself. If this is a favorite pastime of yours you’re unwilling to relinquish, try moderation: set an alarm before you sit down for your inspiration of the day. And choose one or two videos only to enjoy by your favorite content creator. Then, go implement it before the over-information schizophrenia can set in. But, before you do, go to the one source you should truly be asking for advice:
Yourself.
For the record I tried on that above image.
I tried to find something more relatable to my own routine. But Google images doesn’t seem to have a photo of a woman in lotus pose with mismatched socks, one of which is inside out, disheveled hair with roots growing out, and remnants of breakfast staining her face like some gluttonous reboot of The Joker… But I digress. The real question is: who knows you better than you? When all the distractions, procrastination activities, defense mechanisms, and excuses fall away, only you can answer the big questions. So do that. Lift the veil of everything external keeping you from winning. The thing is, even if you needed extra guidance, you’ve probably read enough books by now. You’ve seen enough Youtube videos. You don’t need another suggestion about what to do, specifically. Now is the time to tune in. Sit in a comfy meditation spot or go out in nature and just close your eyes. Everything you’ve heard has infiltrated your subconscious by this point. It’s all there. Your job is to now sit and sift through it. Let whatever is under the flood of worries and ongoing stimulation.. bob to the top. See what comes to the surface. Which guidance resonates, when you’re just sitting with yourself? What’s consistent with what you know to be true?
Now, write that down.
And make that your game plan.