tips

Having a good support group’s crucial to keeping chemical hankerings at bay.

But you know what else is necessary in recovery?

Willpower.

See, willpower’s this often misunderstood concept. When it comes to cravings of any kind – be it a dab of crack or a twelve layer cheesecake crusted in fudge bits – no matter how great our network is, it takes a bit of our own intrinsic willpower to say “Nuclear nope” or “Ah, maybe it’ll be alright this one time…” And where’s the disparity? The disparity comes from willpower – which isn’t merely this force we summon from ourselves while reluctantly gritting our teeth. Rather, it’s simultaneously like a muscle you train and a health bar in a video game. The idea’s that – because we spend so much of our days expending mental energy on immaterial bullshiz (“Is it better to use ‘regards’ or ‘sincerely’ in my email?”…”Should I get the tall or the grande?”…”Does this emoji aptly capture my mood?”), – that we steal cerebral effort from the more salient life selections we hafta make later. And, while some argue that willpower’s not finite, what is definitely true is that all this decision making can indeed beat our brains down until making the right choices about far harder, far more life ‘n death stuff, is monumentally tougher later.

So, what’s the answer?

Why, to send your willpower over to Equinox all day long for some next level lifting, of course. You’ve gotta train it like a muscle. And, much like going to the actual gym, building willpower is more of a long-term practice than some abracadabra hack you do. By fortifying the other areas of your life that have nada to do with your obsessions or fixations, those habits begin to ingrain themselves into your brain – your identity – until deferring dope’s about tantamount to turning down tiramisu during your diet. Sound preposterous? Alright, you can go ahead and laugh. But the fact is that, remiss as I’ve been in attending my own support meetings for the past year (not something I’d suggest by any means), I’ve still managed to remain clean and serene for the past two and a half years by building my life’s base on the following tips:

1. Make decisions – and fast.

I touched on this briefly above. But the faster you can tell the cashier what you want, whether it’s a lotto ticket or all the money in the drawer (just kidding; seeing if you’re still awake or if decision fatigue’s gotten to you) – the better. Just make a quick decision, deliberate less, and you’ll suffer less cerebral fatigue for important matters later.

2. Construct rules you don’t allow yourself to violate

I think this is why I live my life so by-the-numbers now. Some buddies of mine dub me a scheduling nazi. And while I find the comparison to a 1930’s German murderer somewhat hurtful and offensive, I guess I am sort of committing a mass murder on a race – the race of thoughts plaguing my brain when I have to decide every A.M. whether to work out or what to eat. (“Yes and fruit. Next matter of business, please.”) In a way, I think this is just one of the many reasons squeaky clean-ifying my diet was so attractive to me. If avoiding animal products and working out daily is just “what I do” – when it’s just part of my own rules – I don’t have to decide whether or not to follow them when I wake up apathetic and don’t wanna. I just do it anyway. When there are no options, “want” is not an option.

3. Alter your environment to fit your plan

You hear a lot in recovery about eradicating reservations – from tossing your bong to flushing your pills. And if you do the same for your other categories of living, it gets that much easier. Don’t wanna give into your dark chocolate butter cup face stuffing at midnight anymore? Then don’t buy the candy at the store. If it’s not in your fridge now, you can’t binge later. Don’t wanna be a moody bish? Then stop hanging out with Debbie Depressive so much. I mean, def lend her a hand or an ear if she’s having a moment. It’s what we do in recovery. But don’t get sucked socially into the land of sad quicksand with her in the process. Know when to pull out. (Also: that’s what she said.) Or – if you’re Mary Morose yourself, then mayhaps recruit a group of happier peeps to hang with and – in the meantime – inundate your consciousness with Tony Robbins level inspo and motivation. Do that, first, and then, more organically will your tribe change when you wake up and realize who’s around you.

4. Envisage the sitch beforehand

This one can be tricky. The idea’s not to ruminate and worry about how awkward you’re gonna be in a given social interaction. Rather, by mentally mapping out how you’re going to survive Christmas with the fam sans Sauvignon or avoid getting sucked into the smoke rotation when you have to stop by the old hood to pick up some stuff from your former apartment, you can have preparatory armor in place to prevent problems. Start doing this with simpler stuff – like what you’ll order when you go to the Sakura Steakhouse. (I myself tend to stick with ordering whatever I can pronounce less badly… and am ready to do deep breathing and crack a joke when the sake lady walks by.)

5. Remember your identity

This kinda goes hand in hand with that rule remodeling thing I mentioned a couple tips up. When it’s who you are and what you do, then arguing with it’s futile. This is who you are. This is who you decided you wanted to be because you knew it’d serve you. Right now, if you’re arguing with that, that’s just because it feels difficult. Still working on that identity? Then cogitate on the persona you want for yourself and then match that with habits that you turn into personal laws.

6. Map tomorrow out tonight

Each night I write a nightly itinerary out like a screenplay for my tomorrow movie starring me and everyone fortunate enough to bask in my imminent awesome. Seriously, though. This might be the best habit hack I ever invited into my life. By planning everything that’s gonna initiate eight (okay, fine – five) hours from now, at the end of my day when I’m already tired, two things happen. First, it spends the next several hours soaking into my subconscious neuron sponge. And, second, it’s one less worry to concern myself with tomorrow so I won’t have to decide what to do when. (Much less get existential with myself and start asking if I really wanna do it and what that means for me on a greater, cosmic level if I opt out. Especially when it’s about whether or not to take out the trash.)

7. Act on inspo immediately

And, finally, willpower’s not just about avoiding things. To stay a positive course, you’ve gotta have a positive draw. This is why, in those rare moments when inspiration comes to you (“Maybe I’ll take a self-defense class” or “I should go back to school”), you do something semi-immediately (in the next several minutes) to hold yourself accountable to doing that. Whether it’s calling up the gym to set an appointment or signing up for the courses you wanna take, the idea’s to do something pronto, so you can’t backpedal Homer Simpson style later. (Or at least it’s a lot harder, too.) The idea here, is that – whether you’re inspired to call your lonely aunt, take out the trash, or get your doctorate – you’re catching an inkling to do something that’ll ultimately boost your self-esteem. And, as some dude smarter than I am once said, self-esteem’s the reputation we have with ourselves. And I say that – without that – we’re kinda doomed to have our willpower foundation fall apart. And everything else, too.

So, never ignore the inspo. Cast a line, reel it in, and use it to fuel the other six tips.

I get that some of these tips might seem totally irrelevant to that “burning desire” you’re going through right now. But I promise – heed these tips and they’ll bleed over into more important stuff. ’cause when you start teaching your head organ how to abide by standards (and cultivate an atmosphere that aids in that path), you won’t go into cerebral freeze up mode so easily every time it comes to the crunch – deciding whether or not to send your life up in flames for a fix.

So… what will you do to replenish your will power bar today?

Better decide quickly 😉